Friday, July 10, 2009

Who Am I?

I have been pondering deeply lately about who it is that I am. These thoughts have been circling my brain as a result of two recent posts that I prepared. The first (Old Car, New Car) was associated with buying a new car. The second (Guard Your Throat) had to do with my pastor, consumed with desire to punch me in the throat. O.K., you might consider why I am not locked up in a high-security asylum by now given how my mind works. Fair enough, fair enough, but I must humbly insist that you give me some room to make a point. In "Guard Your Throat" I was talking about the advice that some people give me along the lines of "be yourself". I remarked that this advice is essentially useless if you do not know who you are. When I was working to purchase a new car, I was dealing with a typical greasy, low-life salesman who was trying to impress on me the finer points of trim work on the new XLG series compared to that on the XLS and XLQ series. He was droning on and on about how the chrome workers on the XLG series are beaten less than those working on the other lines of vehicles and it makes for considerably less stress in the processing. Acckkkk! Who cares? When I was about to nod off and fall flat on the pavement of the car lot, I caught myself and put the brakes on Joe salesman. I made it clear that his blather was wasted on me. I told him succinctly, I am not a "car guy", although I am a "car man". Did you catch that clever word play? If you did not, shame on you. (Think about my surname, ..., good, now that wasn't so painful, was it?) It's funny, but my clever repartee, meant to be a witticism, kind of stuck in my craw. It kept causing me to ask, who am I? What am I supposed to be at this point in my life? Who am I supposed to be? I should not have the mindset of teenagers who are trying to define themselves, trying on coat after coat. By this point, should I not have at least some things figured out? I feel that if somebody were to try to figure me out and ask me who I am, my reply would still be, "What can I be? What are my options?".