This letter is written with the earnest purpose of attempting to lift this huge weight off my chest, a weight that has served to crush my spirit and has left me in search of my smile. I know that I will never uncover the reasons, the who, what, why, when, and where. Why you betrayed me so completely, with such venom and hatred and energy and purpose. I understand that I will never receive the answers to the questions that have haunted me for years now, that still continually echo in my mind. In the end, I lost my best friend and the best "thing" that ever happened to me. Before you there was no life, no sun, no twinkling eyes, no laughter in the darkness, nobody to say "I understand". Of course, regardless of what you did or even what I think you did, we both share wholly in the blame. How could I not have earned my full measure if you could utter the words of doubt that you did after so long? I failed you so completely and so pathetically that I can still hardly face the looking-glass. I am filled with so much hatred and regret that I fear my very soul has been blackened through and through. You took back everything you ever gave to me, every whisper, every wink, every promise, every touch. You were cold and ruthless and underhanded and conniving, and although I forgave you long ago, I will never forget. I can't let myself, for if I don't learn the lessons of history, I am doomed to repeat its mistakes.