Thursday, July 23, 2009

Grind My Gears V

I suspect fully that there are some people out there who were just put on this Earth to annoy me. Whether they were created to cause me frustration, vexation, aggravation, indigestion, Ken-L-Ration (now there's an old reference), or some other -tion word, these people somehow tend to seek me out for no other purpose than to get on my nerves. They just stand there with their bare faces hanging out and you just know what they are up to. They are the reason for my regular blog segment entitled What Grinds my Gears, of course inspired by the noted Greek philosopher Peter Griffinocles (a contemporary of Socrates and Democritus). To be more specific, today I direct my contempt and wrath toward those individuals who feel that a fan works best when it is pointed away from you. They seem to feel quite strongly about this. They love to try to bury you under with arguments that the outward-pointing fans pull the hot air out of the room and thus reduce the temperature, leaving you cool and refreshed. These gear-grinding individuals, in fact, could not be more wrong. They are also bed wetters.

Electric fans work by blowing air on you, making it easier for the air to evaporate sweat from your skin. This is how you eliminate body heat. The more evaporation, the cooler you feel. In fact, if you turn the fan so that it does not blow directly on you, the process reverses itself, causing sweat to form on your skin and to get sucked back into your pudgy little bodies, which can then cause your internal temperature (if not carefully monitored by a licensed health care professional) to rise to a level sufficient for spontaneous internal human combustion to begin. Sounds like an important cautionary warning, right? So if anyone tries to turn your fans around, you must immediately call out "Shenanigans" and end this lunancy. Perhaps you should also smite them with a butter-filled sock. This exercise will certainly help to reduce your -tion levels dramatically, at least it does for me.