I am a weak man, a pathetic excuse. I have tried time and again to set a goal and then to follow through, but I always seem to fall short. I find myself falling back on old ways after just a very brief time. I often wonder if I would feel better about myself if I had never gone through the charade of setting a goal and then failing almost immediately after beginning. What bothers me and also disgusts me is that I cannot even seem to follow through on the "easy" objectives that I set for myself. If I can't handle the easy things, how can I even hope to tackle or to be trusted with the tougher issues. Is it a question of will power, of moxie, of courage? Alas, no. It always seems to boil down to laziness, taking the easy way out, the path of least (or seemingly no) resistance.
You may ask, "Dan, what is this all about?". Well, I suppose that it probably doesn't really matter at this point what brought on the above diatribe against myself. However, it all started when I found myself grumbling aloud as I was folding my laundry the other day. Normally you might think that this would amount to a fairly benign activity, an area that would not lead to increased anxiety. But as I was folding, I noticed that all my socks were inside out and I don't like having to invert them. I find it time consuming and laborious. I know it's a small thing, but I resolved then and there to be certain to take care when taking my socks off in the evening. I would take the extra 2 seconds required per foot to remove my socks in a manner to ensure that they were not balled up or inside out when I put them in the hamper. Sounds simple enough, a pretty achievable task, right? However, I found that I did fine paying attention to this for all of 2 days until I reverted to my old ways. At the next laundry day I was, once again, grumbling as I was folding my socks. So, why is it that I couldn't maintain an effort that even passed the giggle test? If I can't take care of business on the easy tasks, how can I expect to be successful given more difficult undertakings? Am I being too hard on myself? After all, we're just talking about laundry. Right?