Saturday, May 23, 2009


I am a negative person. A pessimist. The glass is half empty. I am always looking for the bad or the unexpected to ruin my day. I sometimes wonder where this developed in my attitude. I don't first process a given situation and then consciously decide to tear it down. My sour attitude happens immediately, as if it is somehow part of my DNA. One might think that this is really a learned behavior that bloody well can be unlearned. Try as I might, I can't seem to unring this bell. I once saw an episode of the classic cartoon Ren and Stimpy. The happy-go-lucky and simple-minded cat Stimpy was trying to help out the gruff and churlish chihuahua Ren. He helped him to set up an experiment to separate his good side from his bad side. However, it turned out he had no good side. What turned out instead in the personality separation was an evil Ren and a hideously evil Ren. I kind of feel like maybe, there is no positive person inside me, just a negative person and a hideously negative person. Some days really bring this out of me. I was recently at a conference in Denver and on the day of my return to Virginia, I was staring at a 10-hour journey of sitting on a shuttle, waiting in airports, flying in metal tubes that would be tight for sardines, and then the final drive home. How could I make something worthwhile come out of this? Try as I might, I just couldn't see the positive.