Friday, May 29, 2009


I hate personal conflicts. I don't handle them well. They affect me deeply and it typically takes me a significant amount of time to come back to equilibrium. Conflicts fills me with a level of anxiety, torment, uneasiness, and panic like nothing else. I lose focus and am overcome with total malaise. I have known people that can get into a real rip-snortin' argument and moments after it is over they are fully back to being themselves, at least it seems so. For me, the conflict enshrouds me. It covers me in darkness, even when I have done nothing wrong or did nothing to deserve the heated exchange. When these situations emerge, I do not know how to act. I don't like fighting with folks, I don't like having to explain myself or justify my words or communicate when tensions become elevated. The lack of communication on my part is normally not received well by the other person. Part of me is trying to shut down all systems to just let the time of conflict pass (the turtle in the shell approach). Part of me also is trying to hole up in my mind to form an argument with which to avert elevation of the conflict. I suspect that dealing with people in this type of situation is not a skill that I have or ever will (which is why I try to avoid conflict in the first place).