Monday, July 13, 2015


There was a guy that I had struck up a nascent friendship with. Over the course of a few months we met for coffee and started to get to know each other a bit. I would have been happy to allow this relationship to evolve into something deeper but his life was crowded with the usual things that keep a soul occupied. Months would go by and he would send me an email to get together to catch up. Then months would go by and I would get another email to get together to catch up. Yet there was nothing to catch up to as we did not have sufficient time to form any real foundation.

Finally, after yearly a year had passed, I received an email asking for forgiveness for not seeking me out for coffee sooner. It was an honest plea, but I replied to him:

"You ask for forgiveness, but I tell you that I will not give it. Why? Because you have done absolutely nothing wrong by me. In all relationships we tacitly perform a cost/benefit analysis. It is all about the quotient. Where the benefits outweigh the costs, we tend to naturally end up in and around those folks. It is uncanny how easily this just seems to happen. Where the costs outweigh the benefits, we put up barriers. In my years I have found that those barriers are most often erected not out of malice or dislike. In fact, they are not even usually erected consciously or with intention. Yet the fact that they stand tells us all that we need to know if we take a moment to look at the landscape that we have put up and the choices that we have made."

I guess my sense is that if you just skip from the tip of one wave crest to the tip of the next wave crest, you never appreciate nor understand the true depths of the ocean. Maybe my reply might seem cruel to you, but to me it was the only possible one that I could give.