Tuesday, June 14, 2011

People Watching

I have just attended a week-long conference hosted by the laboratory where I work. Roughly 200 folks that represented a fairly broad brush stroke of humanity were in attendance. Men and women who spanned a wide range of the cultural and socio-economic spectrum. They traveled from universities and laboratories around the world representing the U.S., China, Spain, Cyprus, Canada, France, Germany, U.K., India, Taiwan, Japan, Italy, and Minnesota, among others. Given that the conference lasted from early morning to late at night for five full, action-packed days, I got a chance to do a bit of people watching during the talks. Below I note just a sampling of observations that I made whilst sitting in the lecture rooms where the lights were typically dimmed.

Now I note the condition of the lighting because I sense it is relevant to why I observed what I observed. My guess is that the brains of many people actually mistakenly registered the slight reduction in the lighting intensity at a much deeper level. Somehow they were led to the belief that the lighting was equivalent to that of a root cellar or an abandoned mine shaft. How else could you explain what I was witness to? This included:
  • Many people seem completely at ease picking their noses seated in and around others. I saw far too many instances of deep and lasting penetrations. Pigs root about for truffles with less intensity and noise.
  • Several folks who gave presentations in front of the group didn't seem to have any sense of shame of pulling their underwear out of their butts. It must have been wedged deep into their small intestines given the energy and exhuberance devoted to yanking out their undergarments.
  • Some folks seem to really enjoy the deep and lasting pleasures of snorking up a sinus cavity full of snot. Picture the Jim Carrey scene in the Ace Ventura movie.
  • Many "people" feel that it is O.K. to pass gas in a public setting. They somehow think the louder they are the better. Then they smirk with pride as if they feel they are deserving of a prize or a round of applause.
Oh, and this is just the stuff that I can mention publicly on this site without causing you to spontaneously combust.