Friday, June 17, 2011


I think some people give me way more credit than is my due. As they read my blog and consider some of what I say, they seem to think that I am somehow wise and astute, that I have it together, that I am making steady progress in this race of life. However, apart from some occasional moments of clarity, I am mostly lost in the blur of the world as it spins wildly like a dervish around my head. Those few lessons that I seem to grasp nimbly one instant, are wrenched from my fingers in the very next one. Hindsight affords better vision than foresight, for which I assure you I am completely myopic.

I am going through a season of life that finds me battling a bout of depression. I feel tired and defeated and worthless. I get like this from time to time when things pile up on my shoulders. Actually, it feels like the smallest things can overwhelm me and push me to the precipice. I wish at times like this I could analyze the situation with aplomb and whip up some magical elixir to make everything right. Whisper an incantation. Poof. Of course I have no such magic within me. I feel like I am on a small boat in the middle of an ocean with a howling gale surrounding me. Some might fight and steer into the wind, try to ride it out. Me, I feel like just curling up in a ball and letting the weather do with me what it will.