Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Manly Men

Screw open-mindedness and tolerance. I could care less about being "politically correct". There are certain rules that a man must follow to be a real man, not some limp-wristed, girly-wuss, one who smells of jasmine. I am not sure that any of these "man rules" are carved in stone or prominently posted on the "internet". These are rules that a guy should just know and understand, for they are somehow hard-wired into his DNA. However, I have noticed that too many guys either don't know the rules, or are flaunting them as if they are some nouveau-cool, uber-hip doofus that thinks the laws of nature are mere suggestions or causal, non-binding pretenses. Below I list some of the more egregious occurrences that I have come across.

Over the past couple of years I have seen (with my own two eyes) more and more "guys" who walk around in normal daylight hours wearing capri pants. The well-spring of all human knowledge, wikipedia, tells the story, "Though capri pants are most popular with women, they have become popular among men in many countries, especially in Europe". Leave it to the Europeans to attempt to further blur the boundary between shaggy, sweaty, ape-like man and lavendar jump-suit-wearing metro-sexuals. But wait, there's more. I am starting to see more and more guys wearing head bands. Not the NBA-style sweat bands, but what wikipedia terms "Alice bands". They are called Alice bands after the head bands that Alice is often depicted wearing in Alice in Wonderland. Are you kidding me? Once again, I find that the main offenders are European "men". No joke here. The last problem is with guys who wear earrings. I have always found that guys who wear earrings are kind of sketchy anyway. One foot in manhood, the other unmistakeably in obvious cross dressing. However, when I was a youth, at least the guy rules were pretty clear. Left ear meant that you were trying to be manly and cutting edge. Right ear gave you the mark of Liberace. Both ears meant you were a pirate. Nowadays, I see "regular guys" wearing a single earring in the right ear. They seem oblivious to the message that they are sending, which is clearly, "marry me Judith and I'll be the woman you've always dreamed of". Am I alone in seeing these trends? Certainly my definitions are fully up-to-date with the modern situation, right? I'm still manly and cool, aren't I?