Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Open Book

Bernie Taupin's words are drifting through my mind this morning:

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide

There is a well-known expression that is applicable for someone like me. You will hear folks say that someone "wears their heart on their sleeve". I am someone who, for the most part, is completely transparent when it comes to my emotions or state of mind. It doesn't matter whether I am happy, sad, destroyed, jealous, envious, proud, or confused. I have no control when it comes to how I carry myself. My body language, choice of words, and expressions, my way of interacting within my surroundings or with others just happens, and I have found that I just cannot control any of it. In the past, when I have tried to contain or hold my behavior or demeanor in check, it serves to amplify my true state all the more. I suspect that this part of me is a by-product of years of conditioning coupled with my innate spirit. I also suspect that this aspect that describes and defines me is also the reason why I did not end up as a professional poker player or baseball manager. Folks could just see through me.