Thursday, October 22, 2015

The Art of Breaking Up

One of the things that you learn in life is that practice makes perfect. The more you work at a given craft, the more skillful that you become. Today's post is a clear demonstration of that in my perfectly honed skill at breaking off relationships that need to end.
  • I once dated a lady who used far too many hackneyed expressions. I ended it by explaining to her that "it's not you it's me."
  • I once dated a ornithologist who studied entomology in her spare time. She was a chaste woman. I had to break up with her because it was apparent that she didn't know anything about the birds and the bees.
  • A woman I was seeing worked for the local Department of Sanitation. I had to end things with her because she was always talking too much trash.
  • I went out with a banker for a time but I had to bring this to a close. I told her that I had simply lost interest.
  • I became close for a time with a neurosurgeon but her schedule kept her at the hospital far too much. When she asked why I was calling it quits with her when things seemed to be going so well, I explained that it was kind of like brain surgery in that I had changed my mind.
So, if you are stuck in a pickle of a relationship and need a smooth way to find the exit, let me know. I am sure that I can come up with something masterful. Who knows, if you are really lucky, it might even make it into one of my pithy and mildly amusing self-help blogs.