Monday, December 20, 2010

Junkyard Dog

I sit there silently, yet my thoughts are a clamor in my head. They are as pleasant and welcome to me as the ear-splitting feedback from a microphone or the whine of a dentist's drill. Like a rebellious teenager or a seasoned junkie, I just can't seem to control them. I sometimes feel like there is a war raging in my mind between the subconscious and the conscious.

On one hand there is my subconscious self. It is the part of my thought pattern that can emerge as I sit and watch people go by. Wow, that one is fat. That one needs a lesson on how to apply makeup. That one walks like a circus freak. These thoughts just come out of me. I feel like the junkyard dog. A nasty, snarling, foaming-at-the-mouth mongrel. Never has anything useful or pleasant to say. It doesn't matter who comes by, it instantly attempts to rip them to shreds. Foul-mouthed, obscene, bitter, angry. Spewing venom and hatred. But for what purpose? Is it some insidious attempt to try to make me feel better? Well, I can assure you that it is not working. It is sickening. It is tiresome. It is not who I want to be.

On the other hand there is my conscious self. When I sense the presence of that junkyard dog I try to audibly recite a simple but powerful piece of scripture that says "to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). The important corollary to keep at hand comes from James 3:8 and says "no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of poison." This verse tells me that the mongrel will always get the better of me if I try to overcome his presence on my own. The apostle Paul's statement in 2 Corinthians tells me that my subconscious gives rise to thought patterns that are of this world. I need to tear down that way of thinking and let my mind be renewed by the truth of God's Word so that I will behave in a different way. A way that frees my mind from the beast that dwells within.