Friday, June 25, 2010

Wait, You're Here

All of my life I have been a very emotional person when it comes to goodbyes, even if they are only temporary. With just a whisper of a thought or the flash of a mental picture of separation in my mind, I can very easily be brought to tears. These feelings and emotions don't always make logical sense. In the moment I cognitively understand this, but it doesn't matter. The pain is very real. In the times where I have tried to express to others what I am going through, I have been met with curious stares and awkward nods.

One issue that I have experienced frequently in my life is missing someone who is still in my presence! Let me explain by citing a specific example. I am sitting with my daughter on the night before I am about to go away on a week-long business trip or she is about to go off for a few days to visit some friends. We can be having a grand time with fun and laughter, when the notion of our impending separation drifts across my mind. Typically this can lead me to feel the strong anxiety of missing her even before we are apart. The emotions that swell within me take all of the energy I possess to force myself back into the current moment and not to let precious time slip away. I find that it is very easy for me to wallow in sadness and miss life's wonderful opportunities and experiences, both grand and gentle. Perhaps it is best to focus my mindset to live in the moment and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering. Then I will always have you with me even when we are apart.