Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Ant Bully

They are only about a sixteenth of an inch off the ground. At 6 ft 3 in tall, I am about 1200 times bigger in size. Yet they haunt me. I see them in my night visions. I can hear them marching about, down there. You see, I am battling an army of small black ants in my house. They come up from the baseboards, then emerge into the light. However, the reward for their long journey from the darkness beneath the house to my dwelling space is the taste of the bug guy's poison. It is quick and effective. I have vacuumed away hundreds of them. However, their presence in my space eats at me. It makes me feel, somehow violated, somehow unclean. I have tried reasoning with them. I have tried to warn them. I have given them ultimatums. But, so far, nothing. Bug guy tells me to be patient. He tells me that it takes up to 6 months to set up and establish the "killing zone". This is their vernacular for the defensive shield that is slowly established. Bug guy tells me that some of the stouter and more generous ants actually take the poison back to their underground nest and share it with their bretheren. I don't want to be the bad guy here. I don't want to be the one taking the offense, but they have left me no choice. I must ensure that no unwelcome visitors can enter into my home. Sic semper tyrannis!