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Today I am doing better. I am striving to remain in control of my work life. I am consciously trying to ensure that my work does not define me. I can assure you that this is never going to be an easy thing for me. I can still feel that powerful drug coursing through me after I have had a productive day. I have found it much easier now, given what I have been through, to not take my work home with me. In the past, even after a long day at work, I would still be emotionally involved with the day's happenings when I got home. I was physically present, but my mind was a thousand miles away. I was just not there.
I read a self-help book recently that strongly advocated that we make sure that we take our full measure of vacation time each year at work. My knee-jerk reaction has always been something like, "But I have too much going on to be gone that much." In reality, I just did not want to miss anything. Whatever project I was involved with could certainly have gone on quite swimmingly in my absence. I just did not want to admit this to myself, or to others. I used to joke whenever someone suggested that I take a vacation, "I have nothing to vacate from." Today I have clearer vision. While I cannot change the past and the negative impact that my decisions had on those I cared about, I can strive to do much better in the future.
(Part 3 of 3)