Saturday, February 20, 2010


In bright, exciting, reach-out-and-pull-you-in packaging, it boldly declares: "Flarp! Noise Putty". In a shameless font style it proclaims: "Poke It! Squish It! Disgusting Great Fun!". If that was not enough, they deliver the coup-de-grace with: "6 Smells! Orange, Lemon, Banana, Strawberry, Pineapple, Grape". My reply is "Why so many exclamation marks folks?" ... Ahh the sounds of gastrointestinal distress.

Can you imagine being a worker at the Flarp factory? How can you go home at night and look yourself in the mirror? How do you answer when folks ask what you do for a living? A pretty shameful product that seems to make everyone who hears it giggle like a giddy school girl. No matter how much mirth ensues, I still have to rate a Flarp production line worker as one of the world's most useless jobs. What does this say about us as a culture when we have factories all over the country employing hundreds of individuals that make a product that mimics the sound of someone with a stomach disorder after bean night at the Taco Barn? Would you be surprised to learn that Flarp accounts for over 10% of the U.S. Gross Domestic Product? You shouldn't be (although I made the number up off the top of my head). If you are a reader of this blog and work for Flarp, I apologize if I have offended you, but you really need someone to speak truth into your lives, to finally give you the perspective that you need to start putting your life in order.