Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Through the years of our lives, memories of past situations slowly and quietly become a part of what defines who we are. Some of the things that we pick up are assets, but other things, we don't so much pick up, but they cling to us. They become our baggage. It's funny that much of the baggage that we carry around, we are not even aware of until we trip over it and come face to face with some closeted demon that we did not even know was with us. However, once we have fallen or caught a glimpse of that beast, it usually does not take long for us to recognize its source. Oh, I got that when I fell off my bike as a kid. That one came from losing my job. Those joined me when my wife left me. Him, ..., oh he appeared after my dad died. Sometimes our baggage does not result in any noticeable behavioral issues in our lives, perhaps, just a quirk, or a dark feeling that drifts through our mind upon occasion. Other times, our thought patterns can be completely diverted or short circuited whenever we enter into certain situations. We start to act uncharacteristically squirrely or flaky. Our minds can tend to sprint off down the road far ahead of where we are, out of sight.

The frustrating aspect of baggage is that it can act like an anchor that keeps us from going where we want or need to go. We subconsciously reject people and sitations that would be good for us to experience. The shame is we may never even know why. Perhaps it is the voices of I will just fail again, or I'm not good enough, or it's just too much work, or I can't take getting hurt again, or I can't put myself out there like that. This is an insideous battle because cognitive skills are irrelevant. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself to take that opportunity, to pursue that relationship, to travel down that road, the scales seem to have already tipped against you. Dang.