Monday, January 19, 2009

House Hunting

Have you ever had something that you felt you had to do but were so overwhelmed with the process, so overcome by fear, that you felt paralyzed to take action? This is where I am now as I begin the process of try to find a home to purchase. This is only the second time that I have gone down this road, but it is the first time I am doing it alone. I am not pursuing this course of action by force or coercion, I could extend my apartment lease where I am currently living, but I want something better, more permanent, more ours, for my daughter and for myself. However, I cannot seem to find the time to do what I need to do to push this process forward. Actually the phrase "find the time" is not accurate. I should have said "make the time". I see lots of properties with dollar signs bouncing around at levels approaching the absurd. I see issues with finding the "right" neighborhood, of packing up, moving, and unpacking all my stuff, of putting my brittle body through stress that it cannot take. I knew going into this process that I did not like change, even if it is potentially for the better. I was starting to become arrested with a gripping fear that I just didn't have the strength to go through this process alone. Then it finally dawned on me that I didn't have to. It was at this moment that the burden started to lessen. At closing prayer at Community Group the other night, my friend Kevin (who also is house shopping at the present moment) prayed that we would find strength, peace, and success as we look for new homes. Only then did it dawn on me that I didn't have to shoulder the burden alone, only then did I realize that I had a partner all along throughout this mission.