Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Thrill is Gone

B.B. King used to lean into his version of The Thrill is Gone with such gusto every time I heard him sing this song. You could feel the raw emotion and hurt burning within him as he let loose. There have been seasons in my Christian faith where I approached my worship time with such sustained passion. But those days seem so long ago. Now I have fallen into a steady march behind a constant drum beat. Left, right, left, right. There is no pepper in my step, no fevered joy, no urgency, no unfettered delight as I dance before the ark. Left, right, left, right. It leaves a bland and sour taste in my mouth.

On Sunday evenings as sit in my church's sanctuary and listen to my pastor's sermon, he consistently speaks with passion steeped in deep emotion. I wonder where this consistency comes from. Some might think it is just a practiced act, something that he has learned to turn on as he takes his place upon the stage. Just a trick of the showman. Yet I know the man when the spotlights are not focussed on him. He has the same spirit and verve. Each time he belts out his song, it seems like he is singing it for the first time. Yet I march along, tired legs and fatigued spirit. Left, right, left, right.

Anyone who has ever been part of a longer term relationship likely can understand how that giddy, euphoric first few months contrasts with their workman-like approach as the years go on. There may still be a very deep love associated with your spouse, but those fluttering feelings of rapturous delight have long since quelled. Some might tell you that this is the mark of a more mature relationship. Yet I mourn the loss of those thrilling, tingling feelings that I remember when I first came to know my God. Certainly I still deeply value my faith and reverently worship my savior, yet something is missing that I yearn for. Left, right, left, right.