Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Grind My Gears 19

I was recently sitting in a movie house, mindlessly munching my overpriced, burnt, concession-stand popcorn, when the pre-movie trailers started. Apart from the fact that the endless trailers they now force us to watch last longer than the movie that we actually came to see, one other thing struck me as I tried to pry my shoes from the apparently molasses covered floor. SMURFS IN 3D! What?? In fact, trailer after trailer after trailer trumpeted the fact that their movie would be shown in 3 freakin' D. Let me just go on record and say that anything in 3D really grinds my gears. When I was young we lived in a 2D movie world and we liked it. Our characters were shallow, the cinematography was lacking, the direction was hackneyed. Yet we still grew up to be normal, productive members of society. Sure we loved the tantalizing glimpses into the possibilities of 3D programming given to us by the late and masterful John Candy as Dr. Tongue on SCTV (O.K. how many of you out there appreciate this allusion??). But this whole 3D thing is now totally out of control. Given that going to see a regular old run-o'-the-mill 2D movie already requires me to take out a second mortgage on my quaint spanish-style bungalo, they want even more money to add that extra dimension. Fie! I say fie! I don't know about you, but as for me and my family, we will stay in flatland. And, I might add, if I can get a further discount on my movie ticket prices by dropping even another D, sign me up.