Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Do Over

When kids are playing a game you will frequently hear them calling a "do over". Usually this occurs when they have failed to reach a goal or get very far in what they were attempting. They want another chance. They want to try again. In fact, calling for a do over is so commonplace that kids rarely cry foul or rise up to block the request. It is actually a tacitly accepted part of the game.

You know, I often wish I could call a do over in life. The other day I walked away from a conversation where I mistreated someone as I sought to get my way heard. Countless times in frustration because I could not form a cogent argument I have wounded others with my hurtful words. Time after time I have failed to come through in a pressure-filled situation with grace, civility, and good manners. I wish in times like these I could collect myself, remember who I am supposed to be, and call for a do over.

Actually, my most frequent type of do over call would be the times where I have let something silly, unimportant, imagined, or unreal creep its way into my brain and take over. The tendrils of these small monsters run amok in me and take over. They fill my demeanor with anxiety, with hatred, with inward focus, with negativity. They take over my whole day. If you only knew the total number of days of my life that have been wasted in this manner, you would pity me. Oh, to waste no more. Oh, for the ability for a do over.