Friday, March 26, 2010

Roadkill Season

Just as winter is officially recognized by the Hallmark Company as "the frozen spit season", so spring is quickly becoming known as "the roadkill season". Kind of has a Norman-Rockwell-type feel to it doesn't it? For those of you who are perplexed as to the notion of roadkill season, let me elaborate. For some reason, during spring, critters of all sorts emerge from their long winter nap and then immediately run out under the wheels of the first vehicle that their beady little eyes spot. Actually, this is probably not quite what is going on. My theory is that upon waking, the pea-size brains of these creatures just have not fully shifted into drive from park. They are groggy. They have junk in their eyes. Heck, they have not even gotten to have a nice hot cup o' Joe. They have just rolled out of bed and are looking for a place to poop, and then smoosh. They are quite flat and, correspondingly, quite deceased. Their little pancaked bodies litter the highways and byways of our great nation like so many landmines across the Korean divide.

You may find the above imagery nostalgic, and maybe even a bit romantic, but I would guess that your chuckles might subside if you were to change places with the timid woodland creatures. Imagine what would happen if you woke up in the woods and then had to rummage about to find food and caffeine. My guess is that you might wander across a roadway or two in your foggy confusion. The next thing you know, you are examining the tread life on the first tractor trailer that comes along by counting the holes in your spleen. Not a pretty picture is it?

So, be sure to be mindful as you drive. Occasionally, look from side to side and let not your vehicle become an instrument of death to our furry friends. With hope, in the not too distant future, spring will become better known for its rash of vehicle accidents as motorists go to great pains to avoid gunning down cute and cuddly varmints. Well, maybe this wouldn't work after all. Perhaps we should just start amassing recipes for roadkill jerky.