I have been single in spirit for more than 3 years and single by law for more than 6 months. Yesterday I decided to make a move, to reach out for a potentially new and different future. To work to get back on the horse that bucked and threw me off so violently. Sure, my backside and head are still quite painful. Sure, I can clearly picture the incident, almost as if it happened this morning. I can hear the sounds, I can smell the air of that fateful day. I would say, I guess, if you pressed me on the issue, that, perhaps, these sounds and smells are not as sharp, not as distinct as they used to be. But this is life, and the diminishing of the senses and the memory is part of who we are, part of the healing process. So yesterday, for some reason, I surfaced for a breath of air. I asked out a lady at work that I like, that I get along with, that I would like to get to know better. She turned me down. She said that she thought I was sweet, that she liked talking to me, but that she has had a very bad history of getting involved with guys that she works with. Regardless of the reasons, I was still on the outside looking in. Still walking alone on my journey. However, up ahead I noticed there was a fork in the road. One way lead to dealing with my disappointment and hurt in a positive way, with full realization that I am a good person with a lot to offer. The other path led to self-destruction, self-hate, and the downward I'm-not-worth-a-damn spiral. At least for today, I chose the path of light. I reached out for life, and although the outcome was not what I wanted, at least I reached out, at least I spoke up, and I can live with that.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Rejection
I have been single in spirit for more than 3 years and single by law for more than 6 months. Yesterday I decided to make a move, to reach out for a potentially new and different future. To work to get back on the horse that bucked and threw me off so violently. Sure, my backside and head are still quite painful. Sure, I can clearly picture the incident, almost as if it happened this morning. I can hear the sounds, I can smell the air of that fateful day. I would say, I guess, if you pressed me on the issue, that, perhaps, these sounds and smells are not as sharp, not as distinct as they used to be. But this is life, and the diminishing of the senses and the memory is part of who we are, part of the healing process. So yesterday, for some reason, I surfaced for a breath of air. I asked out a lady at work that I like, that I get along with, that I would like to get to know better. She turned me down. She said that she thought I was sweet, that she liked talking to me, but that she has had a very bad history of getting involved with guys that she works with. Regardless of the reasons, I was still on the outside looking in. Still walking alone on my journey. However, up ahead I noticed there was a fork in the road. One way lead to dealing with my disappointment and hurt in a positive way, with full realization that I am a good person with a lot to offer. The other path led to self-destruction, self-hate, and the downward I'm-not-worth-a-damn spiral. At least for today, I chose the path of light. I reached out for life, and although the outcome was not what I wanted, at least I reached out, at least I spoke up, and I can live with that.
