Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Jokes and Puns I

A guy at work sends me lists of "jokes" from time to time. Most often I have seen them before and most often they are of dubious quality, which is why I used quotation marks about the word joke above. If you were sitting next to me and we were talking about this, I would likely pantomime air quotes in a rather hammish manner. However, his most recent list was nerd-themed, which he figured was right up my alley for some reason. As a result of this, I was forced, nay compelled, to "unfriend" him on my social networking account. That should teach him that folks who make such unflattering assumptions about me will get their due come-uppance. Anyway, I will let you judge if the following "jokes" are worthy or unworthy.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
  • How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.
  • A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
  • Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.
  • What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
You should also feel free to "unfriend" this guy who I work with if you were as offended as I was. But if you think this is the end of this sorry exchange, you would be wrong. Stay tuned for tomorrow's conclusion.

(Part 1 of 2)