Tuesday, April 22, 2014


I was reading the book Water Walker by Ted Dekker and I came across the following bit of narrative provided by the main protagonist:

You just stepped beyond one of your fears only to learn that it was an illusion.

That once sentence resonated within me so strongly, it spoke such personal truth, that by the time I emerged from my own thoughts, 10 minutes had passed.

I tend to let my phobias and worries imprison me, to hold me captive. The what ifs play out such detailed nightmares in my head, that I too often force myself to avoid trying new things, making new friends, taking risks. My thoughts make me consider irrational ideas and improbable scenarios and accept them as the most likely outcomes of a given action. The other part of this
aspect of my make-up is that as I get older, the more that consideration of these outlandish scenarios rules my decision making.

I might consider asking a woman out on a date but ... but she will either turn me down in such a public manner that I am branded a loser or she will agree only to string me along far enough that I start to like her before she dumps me and breaks my heart.

I might accept a friend's invitation to go to the movies but ... but he will get to know the real me and decide sooner rather than later that I am not worth his time.

I might try to brooch an important subject with my daughter but ... but she will just tune me out and not take me seriously.

The truth is that most of the time when I do step beyond one of my fears, I find out that it really was an illusion. My trouble seems to be that my mind cannot hold onto this truth for very long and I keep having to relearn this lesson time and time and time again.