Thursday, April 25, 2013

Feel the Burn

I am of a belief that when I buy something, whether it be a gadget, a piece of electronics, a car, a tool, what have you, that it should last forever. Hence, I am always left disappointed when the $15 shovel that I buy breaks after 10 years of heavy use. I make that last statement only half in jest. I think my mindset is that if I pay good money for something, then consarnit, it should be able to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. Given the way that many companies design their crap to break or spontaneously combust after a fixed time, you can imagine that this issue is a constant source of conflict and friction in my life.

Recently my faithful elliptical exercise machine (featured in my post Hurts So Good from September, 2010) died a sudden death at the tender age of about 7 years. It had been used for only about 1200 exercise sessions before its ticker conked out. I don't know much about the innards of elliptical machines, but I would guess that it was most likely an inversion in the reciprocating carburetor or a field collapse in the inverting flux capacitors. Regardless of the cause, I was devastated. But more than that, I was flabbergasted and confounded that one so young would pass so far before their time.

In my distress I gave into the pathos and two-timed my old elliptical machine. I was an unfaithful cad. I immediately went out and bought another machine and sickeningly paraded it around in front of my old model. Oh, most shameful. Then, true to my madman leanings, I cut up my old machine with a hacksaw and threw it in the trash bin with my other refuse. Please don't judge me (or the same fate may await you, bwaa ha ha).