Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mid-life Crisis

Many men when they reach the age of 45 to 55, go through a period of years where they realize that their youth is long gone and they are about to keel over from old age. This causes them to follow plot lines seen in many of your popular TV sitcoms. In a desperate attempt to cling to some semblance of the veil of youth, they dress differently, buy expensive sport cars, or trade in their old frumpy wives for new models with less mileage. Given the list of mid-life crisis symptoms that I have personally witnessed, a number of questions bubbled to the surface.
  • Why would a grown man pay perfectly good money to obtain a flagrant pair of flood pants (aka "high waters") and then wear them out in public? This look is usually a result of some latent instinct where older men start to pull their waistbands up until they are just under their armpits.
  • Why would someone with no more than a couple dozen hairs on the top of their head, still part their hairs? On a follow-up question, why would they even own a comb?
  • Why would an older man who has lived with a head of gray hair for years suddenly decide to get a bad dye job and then leave their bathroom? "Gee Marv, something about you is different. Did you recently lose massive amounts of unwanted back fat?"
  • Why would a grown-up go parading out in public wearing a button-down ("Oxford") shirt with more than two buttons unbuttoned? "Yes, come closer, look at my pasty white chest flab. Love it! Touch it!"
  • Why would a man in full mid-life-crisis mode purchase an expensive convertible sports car into which he cannot sit without his knees coming up to his ears and his head actually sticking above the windshield when he puts the top down?
Now, I personally am not too far away from this "magic" age range where my DNA is preprogrammed to yearn for my youth. As I start morphing into Mr. Furley from the old Three's Company show, I look forward to some good blog material to share in the months and years ahead.