Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Satisfied Mind

His quest began a very long time ago. I noticed that he was looking for something with some dispatch, searching in earnest. I once asked him about it, but he lacked certainty of what he was after. He just seemed to know that he wanted something, needed something that was missing. With each big change in his life, I really do believe that he thought his search was over. In fact, I would say that he appeared content for a time, but eventually, that old restlessness returned and he was at it again.

It seems to me that an earnest search for something that is never found could eventually lead to bitterness or regret. Under certain conditions one would not be surprised to see signs of dementia creeping in under the shadows. But this is just rampant speculation. Each person carries their burdens differently. Some with grace and a positive attitude. Others are done in by them.

The other day I spoke with him. A conversation so deep, and at once so organic, that I realized we had not spoken like this in some time. It was striking how much everything on his outside was exactly the same as I remembered, but something within was noticeably altered. Call it an attitude. Call it a radiance. As I walked away from him after our time together, I was struck with a thought that made me smile. I believe that he finally found what he was looking for. His quest, a search for self acceptance, a search for inner peace, had finally come to fruition. I hastily turned back to look for him, when I looked into that same smile. I recognized a calm not felt before and, yes, a satisfied mind.