Saturday, August 29, 2009

Grind My Gears VII

I did not know true arrogance until I looked into the eyes of a mature Canadian goose. In fact, these geese really grind my gears. To be more specific, it's not just their I'll-get-out-of-the-middle-of-the-road-when-I'm-good-and-ready attitudes, it's that they feel compelled to leave their poo all over every square foot of sidewalk at the place where I work. If I could get from building to building by gently hovering 6 inches above the ground, that would be just fine. However, this is not the reality I know; I actually have to make periodic contact with the ground. These silly geese seem to have poo'ed in a carefully considered pattern such that only those with advanced degrees in the art of the dance, can pass along the sidewalks without coming into direct contact with goose droppings. It's almost as if they are trying to get us to walk through their filth. This is a clear indication of their poor attitude. Something must be done, and must be done now. I have been pondering multiple solutions to this problem, but none of them, as yet, are legal in the state of Virginia. You are not allowed to run them over with your car. You cannot and would not want to eat them. You can't take them out with semi-automatic weaponry or ground-to-goose missiles. Perhaps we could drive them off our site by speaking rudely of the RCMP or have open discussions about how silly Canada is for having major cities named Moosejaw and Regina. At the least, we could place small porcelain bowls around our work site, along with little rolls of toilet paper and small newspapers, to drop strong hints that pooing wherever your little goosey heart desires is just not acceptable in polite society.