New Year's Eve 2015

May the upcoming year bring you good health, more laughter than you have known, true friendship, grand adventure, full satisfaction, warm hugs, continual romance, perfect peace, and lasting joy. Blessings to all of my online friends.

Resolutions 2015

At the end of each blog year (like a regular year only bloggier) I have traditionally written a post reviewing my New Year's resolutions for the past year. The point is to own up to areas in my life that I have looked to change and honestly assess how I have done. Looking back over the past posts in this series, I have not done particularly well. In fact, the truth of the matter is that I often fail completely on realizing my goals. However, the pattern that has consistently emerged is that the goals that I set that depend entirely on me and my efforts and attitude, have turned out quite well. It is when I have resolutions that depend on other people when I am awarded with a plastic goose egg.

In my past "Resolutions" posts I have itemized my resolutions for the year and provided some commentary on my successes and failures. However, this year I just don't have it in me to do things the same way. This year has been more than tough for me and most days have found me struggling to stay afloat or numb to the happenings of the world around me. Hurt after hurt caused me to just let go of realizing my dreams. Holding onto hope when nothing ever seemed to go as I would have liked was killing me and I had to let it go.

While that sounds horrible and depressing, something positive at least came out of all of this. My approach changed from struggling to try to get what I wanted to one of just planting seeds. Doing little things here and there to help others as I was able or as I was inspired. Each seed planted might have died unnoticed or might have made a small positive difference in someone's day. I planted randomly without making it about me in any way. Maybe that is the best resolution that I could have made to begin with.

Blog Recap 2015

At the end of each year, I like to take a moment to look back and survey what I have included on my blog. As I peruse the list, I come upon posts that still resonate with me. They can still make me smile or bring a fresh tear. I think that I am pleased with what I have included here.

One of the ways that I look back over my site, is to make a list of my top 10 blogs for the year. This list is not compiled based on the number of comments or the number of views. It is based simply on what I liked the best. So, without further ado, here is my top 10 list of my own blogs (in no particular order) for 2015.

• Jack O' the Wisps (Dec. 17) - The story of my life, which explains everything and nothing at all.
  
• Italian Recollections (Oct. 19) - Staying positive when I was not where I wanted to be.
  
• Make Ur Move (Aug. 31) - Being a man when I just don't have it in me.
  
• Lessons in Geometry (Jul. 27) - Owning up to lessons that should have already been learned.
  
• Waves (Jul. 13) - A melancholy look back.
  
• Pulchritude (Jun. 29) - You have got to sound out your words.
  
• Bucket Equity (Jun. 8) - Explaining why I often struggle with others.
  
• Reflections (May 4) - Watching me slip away.
  
• Who I Am (Apr. 14,16,21) - For art lovers who ever wanted to know the different sides of me.
  
• Duke of Yosemite (Mar. 11) - Realizing that the train has left you behind at the station.
  

I hope that you found something here that made you think, that made you smile, or that somehow created a spark for your day. Thanks for stopping by my humble site.

Best Books of 2015

This year I have read 74 books and definitely found some good ones along the way. This was a year dominated by Brandon Sanderson (20 books), Bradley Beaulieu (7 books), and Robert Jordan (8 books). It was also the year that I read a few ebooks (9 books). Following my well-established year-end tradition, I share my list of the top 10 "books" for this year in no particular order. Note that I use "books" because I typically count a series by an author as one entry.

• The Way of Kings, Brandon Sanderson
  
• Saint Odd, Dean Koontz
  
• Tuf Voyaging, George R.R. Martin
  
• Cross Roads, William Paul Young
  
• The Lays of Anuskaya trilogy (The Winds of Khalakovo, The Straits of Galahesh, The Flames of Shadam Khoreh), Bradley Beaulieu
  
• The Wheel of Time series (New Spring, The Eye of the World, The Great Hunt, The Dragon Reborn, The Shadow Rising, The Fires of Heaven, Lord of Chaos, A Crown of Swords), Robert Jordan
  
• Lest our Passage be Forgotten, Bradley Beaulieu
  
• Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
  
• The Cemetery of Forgotten Books Series (The Angel's Game, The Prison of Heaven), Carlos Luis Zafon
  
• Words of Radiance, Brandon Sanderson
  

I have already started to pick out some books for the first part of 2016. If you have any suggestions, send them along and I will check them out. I keep my list of reads current on my Shelfari page.

Christmas 2015

Merry Christmas to my online friends. May you find blessings and peace on this day.

Christmas Eve 2015

Today of all days during the year, the children are most like angels. Excited, innocent, and loved. For parents the anticipation of what tomorrow will bring is often the best part of the experience. Ribbons and bows adorn the packages, months spent in the preparations and the execution. May your tomorrow be better than all you could have asked for or imagined. Beyond everything, may you feel loved and appreciated. Merry Christmas to all.

Observations 119

My occasional blog series "Observations" was created to be an outlet to share a variety of topics that pop into my field of view as a result of a condition that many bloggers are afflicted with known as "blogger's eyes". In this state we view the world on the constant look-out for topics on which to write about. Today's blog came about from random odds 'n ends of things that I have noticed over the past few weeks.

• I still find it amazing how these "miracle tonic" ads on T.V. keeping pulling in the suckers, especially when every single one ends with the statement, "This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease."
  
• Watching once great athletes who were dominant in their primes fall so far that they are among the worst statistical performers in their leagues breaks my heart. It leaves an image that begins to replace the iconic one that had been formed over many years.
  
• Over the past several weeks I have stumbled upon some words that I would have bet were typos or gibberish that turned out to be real, actual words. It seems that I don't know everything after all.
  
• One can know the end is coming and take steps to plan for it. However, when it inevitably comes, it can still be wholly unexpected.
  
• At the dentist's office the other day the dentist was searching for the right tool to pull something out of my mouth that had gotten wedged between my teeth. I reached down to my belt pouch and handed him the pliers that I always carry with me.
  

Quick Hits 52

Sometimes I hear an utterance or catch a quick visual of something that sticks in my mind. As this sensory input rolls about in my head, several different outcomes are possible. It might be the case that after a moment of consideration, the input is deleted as uninteresting, trivial, or too much for me to deal with. However, another possible outcome is that the input keeps demanding my attention. It somehow wants me to wrestle with it and give it more than just a passing notice. In such cases, they can end up here, in my blog series called Quick Hits.

In the time it takes to watch a single T.V. program, you can be sure to view at least one commercial of some law firm trying to round up a list of folks to form a class-action lawsuit they are heading up. These lawsuits bring in millions for the law firms in terms of fees and pay mere pennies to the folks on the list. What does the prevalence of such rackets say about us?

What do you think?

In the News 20

While I have not touched an actual newspaper in some time, I do skim through the online news headlines each day. There is always something that catches my attention, whether it involves human conflict, a human interest piece, the sports wrap, or just the usual absurdities. In this series, I carve out a space for my opinions, reminiscences, or comments.

Jim Perry - Jim was a popular game show host in the 1980s, most notably on Sale of the Century and Card Sharks. I used to watch these shows pretty regularly when I was in college. I would come back to my room between classes in the morning and veg out for a bit with the T.V.. Jim had a smooth style, a twinkle in his eye, and filled the emcee role to perfection. He will always have a strong association to that time in my life. Jim died on November 20, 2015 at the age of 82 after a long battle with cancer.

Syed Farook and Tashfeen Malik - Two young American citizens showed up at a San Bernadino social services center and opened fire with assault rifles, killing 14 individuals and wounding another 21. In the aftermath, a shootout with law enforcement ensued and the couple was killed at the scene. Federal investigators have claimed that it appears the killing was a terrorist act and a "bomb lab" was found at the couple's apartment, hinting at more destructure future plans. As Farook and Malik left on their mission of sadistic murder, they left their 6-month old daughter with a relative, saying they were going to a doctor's appointment. What is it that turns souls to such evil? The incident occurred on December 2, 2015.

A Crown of Swords

The seventh book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series is entitled A Crown of Swords and follows immediately after Lord of Chaos. Another tale that sees the reach of the Dark One continue to expand beyond his prison at Shayol Ghul, while his hand-chosen Forsaken plot and scheme against each other to consolidate their own power. They are at once pure evil and utterly vindictive and petty. Alliances formed today are betrayed tomorrow.

There are two main story arcs in this tale. The first sees Rand al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn, the savior of the people from prophesy, developing an elaborate scheme to defeat one of the most powerful Forsaken. Sammael has taken control of the kingdom of Illian and sows discord in the land. While Rand feints and patiently sets up his trap, Sammael never seems to fall for the bait. Certainly he controls numbers of Darkfriends as spies in Rand's camp. Ultimately it comes down to strength against strength and Rand's moment has come to strike down Sammael. With each step Rand must carefully weigh who truly is on his side and who seeks to either slip a knife in his back or bring him to heel.

The second main arc of the narrative follows Nynaeve and Elayne as they search for the powerful ter'angreal from the Age of Legends called the Bowl of Winds. With enough Aes Sedai linking their strength and channeling through this creation, it is believed that they can remove the crippling drought that the Dark One has unleashed across the land. With the help of the special gifts of Mat Cauthon, the ter'angreal is located, but no sooner do they close in on the prize than they are met by numbers of the Black Ajah, Aes Sedai that have pledged their souls to the Dark One. Not only that, but they are attacked by a Shadowspawn called a gholam, a creature that is unkillable and nearly unstoppable. Yet Mat finds a way to drive him off and the Bowl of Winds is finally in hand. I now move onto the next book in this most enjoyable and fully engrossing series, The Path of Daggers.

Jack O' the Wisps

Ten years is a long time to chase the wind, yet fool that I am I continued to give all. No matter that it was little more than trying to scream in the depths of space, where there is no medium and nobody to hear you anyway.

Stratus, cumulus, cirrus ... I know all the clouds, for they have ever filled my skies. Dark, overbearing, present. Yet I found a way to still, to compartmentalize your eyes, your perfume, your touch. Yet one day, for reasons that no man can know, one small corner of the sky unexpectedly seemed to lighten by a shade. How I regret allowing myself to take a second look, for allowing myself to attempt to stoke that long cold furnace.

sometimes I hear the echoes of laughter in the twilight of affairs and other tragedies ...

For all of the lambskin on my walls I still can't get through my head a simple concept. I can't let you go when I won't let you go. Likely I will never comprehend. Everything I know tells me that I will never get past this.

the walls are too high to jump

Now that I have been shown back to my place, I sense, as before, that I am broken beyond repair. I did not realize until it was far too late that you were nothing more than a jack o' the wisps. Why did I fall for that shadow? Damn. How can I go on knowing that I can't go on? That it's too late for my dreams held in those salad days?

they say time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing

Observations 118

My occasional blog series "Observations" was created to be an outlet to share a variety of topics that pop into my field of view as a result of a condition that many bloggers are afflicted with known as "blogger's eyes". In this state we view the world on the constant look-out for topics on which to write about. Today's blog came about from random odds 'n ends of things that I have noticed over the past few weeks.

• A Harvard business professor recently completed an in-depth study that shows, contrary to the old adage, that money really can buy happiness. So, can we please retire that hackneyed old saw?
  
• While the first observation was meant to capture your attention and be a bit humorous, his study showed that we achieve a much higher level of happiness when we spend our money on experiences rather than on stuff. That is actually a profound bit of insight that should give rise to a paradigm shift in our approach.
  
• It is so sad to see people whose personal addictions keep doing them in. After each incident of self-destruction they answer with the expected apologies and promises, yet they continue to fall given opportunity after opportunity.
  
• Football analyst John Madden once made the observation that football is such an interesting game in large part due to the shape of the ball. He stated that "whoever thought to put the points on the ball was a genius." In a parallel statement, I would say that whoever came up with the idea to put credit card scanners on vending machines was a genius.
  
• I have just coined a new word I have. A mutinee is a mutiny that takes place during the day.
  

Cool Cat

When I was a kid, only poor people wore clothes that didn't fit properly. If you saw someone at school with their pant legs rolled up at the ends, it was clear they were forced to wear hand-me-downs from their older siblings. People who were sent into public dressed in such a manner were ridiculed and singled out for harassment. I know because I was one of those kids and I absolutely hated the punishment that the other children doled out on me.

We frequently get lots of student visitors to the lab that I work at. Several times per week the big yellow school buses from different middle schools and high schools in the surrounding area pull up out front and herds of children move past my office window on their way to our auditorium. Over the last several years I have seen plenty of examples of kids wearing their pants with the pant legs rolled up at the ends. From the way they were all dressed, it is clear that these were not old clothes that they were forced to wear. This was most certainly a style that somebody "cool" adopted and others took note and began copying it regardless of the existing stigma.

It would be interesting to go back in time, decade by decade, and have the school-age children prepare a drawing of what they considered cool. Looking at these paradigmic Rico Suaves as a function of time would reveal chosen styles that the next generation of kids would find downright embarrassing to be seen in. What is cool today will get you severely bullied tomorrow.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time Christmas was a season of magic for me. Shopping for goodies for my daughter brought me such joy. We were so connected and in tune that without her even asking or dropping hints, I knew exactly what would excite her and make her dreams come true. Stuffed animals, cartoon videos, dolls, games, treats. As I made my trips around town to purchase the items on my list, my anticipation ran wild just looking forward to how much she would enjoy what I picked out for her. I could almost hear her giggles of happiness and picture those radiant smiles that filled the house to overflowing. However, back in those days, the gifts were not actually from me, but from Santa, the elves, the reindeer, and the snowmen. Christmas was an enchanting time that brought as much delight to me as it did to my daughter. The memories that I hold onto from those days are treasures to me even as they slowly fade away with the passing years.

Yet somewhere along the way, when apparently I wasn't paying attention, my daughter grew up. The bouncy, excitable, glee-filled child was replaced by a young woman. Age and maturity have a way of creeping in and displacing all traces of magic and hope that fanciful, larger-than-life characters will bring you your heart's desire just because you are special. When that occurs, Santa and his team somehow know to pass on by to where the magic and wonder still exist.

For the past few years Christmas has become much more of a burden for me. Something to just get over with and hide away from. Looking around to see how others seem to be having the times of their lives, makes me long for those days before the magic was lost, once upon a time.

Lord of Chaos

The sixth book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series is entitled Lord of Chaos and follows on immediately after The Fires of Heaven. This part of the tale represents a major turning point in the battle for control and supremacy in the land. The White Tower of Tar Valon, the center of power of the Aes Sedai witches, has been cleaved in twain. One half of the Aes Sedai remain with the White Tower and the other half have settled in an outpost called Salidar. Both groups are scheming and maneuvering to bring the Dragon Reborn to their heel. While the Aes Sedai fully recognize Rand al'Thor as the true Dragon of the prophesies, both factions seek to take control of him body, mind, and soul. Their lust for power and control, and their hatred and fear of any man who can draw on the One Power, have blinded them to who their savior is.

With rumors spreading far and wide of the Dragon Reborn, uneasy truces and tacit agreements of peace suddenly fall apart across the land. While Rand tries desperately to prevent the people from destroying themselves, and while he tries to prepare for his inevitable looming battle with the Dark One, a moment of careless distraction sees him taken prisoner by the Aes Sedai from the White Tower. Their plan is to break him through torture and humiliation, and Rand must let them do their worst in order to give them an opportunity to grow complacent for him to find an opening.

Against this event, those close to Rand are dealing with their own burdens. Egwene, Elayne, and Nynaeve are struggling with their roles as Aes Sedai students when their lives are suddenly turned upside down with their being named as full sisters. While dealing with the jealousies and schemes of the other Aes Sedai, they seek to find a powerful ter'angreal that can help to ease the great drought caused by the ever-expanding reach of the Dark One as he inexorably breaks free from his confines. As well, Mat and Perrin, who are part of what controls the unfolding of the wheel of time, are helping Rand in any way that they possibly can. Meanwhile, while people scheme their schemes, diverting Rand's attention, the Dark One grows ever more powerful. Now, onto the seventh book in the series, A Crown of Swords.

Siren's Song

In Greek mythology legends tell of the sirens, those enticingly beautiful creatures whose mesmerizing song lured many a helpless sailing man to their death upon the jagged rocks. Though the legends were shared from port to port, and crews were warned afore, they were helpless to resist when those notes drifted across the winds to tickle their ears. Logic and restraint were forgotten in the pull of that inescapable call.

I too have fallen victim to the siren's song. Unable to resist that beautiful face, those twinkling eyes, that focused attention on me, I am reduced to little more than a puppet on a string, blowing whichever way her winds drive me. Offering up every part of myself and more in a stumbling, careening effort to please her. Yet, inevitably, in the morning I find myself dashed upon the rocks of that craggy atoll, torn asunder.

Frustrating beyond measure is that when I scrabble back to my uneasy equilibrium after many long seasons, weaker in mind and spirit than before, how easily I can succumb to that call once more. Somehow I am struck dumb, unable to recall a sliver of the hell that struck me before. Unfathomably, even though it will be the death of me, one echo of that voice and I throw all of myself into pursuit, willing anew to give her my very soul.

Observations 117

My occasional blog series "Observations" was created to be an outlet to share a variety of topics that pop into my field of view as a result of a condition that many bloggers are afflicted with known as "blogger's eyes". In this state we view the world on the constant look-out for topics on which to write about. Today's blog came about from random odds 'n ends of things that I have noticed over the past few weeks.

• There is a fine line between being eccentric/interesting and odd/creepy. I am pretty sure that those on the odd/creepy side of the line don't truly understand this distinction.
  
• Sitting in a colloquium in the auditorium at work the other day, I found that suddenly I was unable to hear the speaker any longer as the snoring of the guy across the aisle from me drowned him out. What is the etiquette in such a situation?
  
• One of India's biggest non-profit groups to help disabled people for many years was called the "Spastics Society of India". Due to increasing pressure they ultimately decided to change their name to ADAPT, which is an acronym that stands for "Able Disable All People Together". I don't think we should let this group come up with any more names for anything ever.
  
• "We are always more afraid than we wish to be, but we can always be braver than we expect." Robert Jordan in Lord of Chaos.
  
• People magazine just released their annual list of the sexiest man alive. They have been releasing this list since 1985 and not once have I won the award. What gives?
  

Quick Hits 51

Sometimes I hear an utterance or catch a quick visual of something that sticks in my mind. As this sensory input rolls about in my head, several different outcomes are possible. It might be the case that after a moment of consideration, the input is deleted as uninteresting, trivial, or too much for me to deal with. However, another possible outcome is that the input keeps demanding my attention. It somehow wants me to wrestle with it and give it more than just a passing notice. In such cases, they can end up here, in my blog series called Quick Hits.

I can't understand how a coach can take his team deep into the playoffs, get a lucrative and lengthy contract extension, and then be fired early the following season. Did they forget how to coach? How to communicate? How to do what made them successful in the past?

What do you think?

Guns Ablazin'

I think that no matter how innocent your actions are towards another, there will be times when you inexplicitly set them off. There have been several times that I can recall where I have been laid into by someone who felt that I had insulted them to the core, whereupon they came at me with guns ablazin'. As far as I could tell my actions were wholly benign, but something they perceived in my behavior or words triggered them into an attack.

I was talking with a colleague in his office when a friend of his popped in to say hello. Out of the blue he offered to go and get him some coffee. I asked if he was my colleague's "pool boy" (a reference to a sketch on a show called Mad TV). He then laced into me with vehemence about my insensitivity that his people had been forced into servitude for generations. This guy was of Asian descent but he was American white bread through and through.


A colleague at work waved to me and said hello across a parking lot as I was going in one direction and he in another. I gave the usual dude head nod, which is normally universally accepted. However, this guy hunted me down and launched into me because I did not say hello back.


I pulled into the parking lot at work at lunch time the other day looking for an open spot. Half blocking the path was a car that I presumed was idling, the driver waiting for someone to join them. To be sure, I paused for more than a few casual Mississippis but the driver just sat in their car. I saw no taillights and no sign that the driver even cared whether I was there or not. I then pulled into the first spot that I came across among several available. A large woman then rolled out of the car and tore into me because I took the spot that she claimed she was planning to back into.

I wonder what goes through people's minds when they verbally attack someone that they don't know or don't know all that well. What reaction do they expect in return?

Lest Our Passage Be Forgotten

I stumbled across the talents of author Bradley Beaulieu quite by chance. My first taste of his acumen as a fantasy writer was through his enchanting trilogy The Lays of Anuskaya. I then read his interesting novella Strata. For my next course I decided to dive into his short story collection Lest Our Passage Be Forgotten. This offering contained seventeen short stories most of which I had not read before as they appeared in different short story anthologies. I was blown away by he worlds and the eras that he conquered and the variety that he tapped into. No two stories were alike and each was rich, textured, and intriguing. Even through the medium of the short story, Beaulieu was able to develop worlds and character of such dimension that I never felt cheated. He has definitely cemented himself on the top shelf of my favorite authors. If you are a fan of fantasy fiction, I highly recommend this book.

Reading the acknowledgements I was interested to find that this book, self published by Beaulieu himself, saw the light of day only though a so-called "kickstarter" campaign. Enough folks had become familiar with his writing through his recent Lays of Anuskaya trilogy that he was able to raise the necessary cash to bring this book to reality. I love that he had the confidence in his talents and such a passion for his works that he searched for a path to see them published. Beaulieu is current working on a new series called The Song of the Shattered Sands. The first book in this planned trilogy, Twelve Kings of Sharakhai, is now in print. I look forward to getting into this one.

iTunes Latest - 31

I have been a user of iTunes since 2011. This service has allowed me to bring music back into my world and to reconnect with so many great songs from my past and to find some great new recent stuff as well. One of the things that I really like about music is how it becomes part of the soundtrack of the different seasons of our lives. So, I thought that I would share my latest five downloads and a bit about my thoughts on each song.

• Ex's and Oh's - Elle King (2015) - Have you ever stumbled across a song and wondered why you had never heard it before? This was one of those. It has a sound that will just not allow it to remain in the background at low volume. Those past lovers just won't leave you alone.
  
• Lady of the Valley - White Lion (1987) - I will admit to being on a bit of a White Lion kick recently. This song was a bit of a throw back when it was released. Relegate to the B-side of a singles release, it is an extended rock ballad about the desperation of loss and the helplessness of brothers taken before their time. Musically I love this piece as the electric guitar is wrapped around a purposeful artistry as opposed to raucous noise.
  
• Hello - Adele (2015) - I don't know much about the Adele train with its legion of devoted fans. Apparently she has been away from recording for a few years and the world was panting and mewling in her absence. When this song was released one of her countrymen was quoted as saying, "Wow. That's how you do a comeback track!" O.K., so this one is haunting and powerful, and delivered with a husky voiced melancholy that made me notice.
  
• Ride Easy - Asia (1986) - This is an early Asia song never released on a regular studio album. Even with a limited release, the lead singer of Asia has stated that this is his favorite song. It is all about letting go of the regrets that have you tied in knots expressed in that classic 80s Asia sound.
  
• Cerebral Man - Pat Benatar (1988) - From Benatar's last popular album (Wide Awake in Dreamland), I have no idea what this song is about as the lyrics are so thin and veiled. However, the sum is greater than the parts on this one and it sure is easy on the ears.
  

Observations 116

My occasional blog series "Observations" was created to be an outlet to share a variety of topics that pop into my field of view as a result of a condition that many bloggers are afflicted with known as "blogger's eyes". In this state we view the world on the constant look-out for topics on which to write about. Today's blog came about from random odds 'n ends of things that I have noticed over the past few weeks.

• When someone describes themselves as a "person of color", what does that mean exactly? Does it include those whose skin is plaid?
  
• After the recent horrible terrorist attack in Paris, Donald Trump, the leading candidate for the Republican presidential nomination stated, "The Paris massacre would have been much different if people had guns." I did note that Mr.Trump is presently the leading candidate for his party's presidential nomination?
  
• On T.V. the other night I stumbled across an ad by a local bail bondsman office. Their catchy sloan? We'll have you out the door before the soap hits the floor. That screams class outfit to me.
  
• I was listening to an interview on NPR the other day. The host kept responding to the answers given by her guest saying, "That's hilarious". Yet she never once laughed, chuckled, or gave a single tee-hee. I find that hilarious.
  
• Suddenly all of the blonde-haired women in my group have brown hair. I come to find out that they had all been dyeing their hair. This makes me wonder if blonde is really a natural hair color at all.
  

Miss You

My daughter is very nearly 18 years old but her bedroom has remained nearly unchanged since the day we set things up when we moved into our house nearly six years ago. When I go into her room to vacuum or to put away her laundry, I can get distracted by nostalgia. Her bookshelf is filled with all of the books that we used to read together again and again. Her headboard is lined with all of her stuffed animals, each alive in my mind with the personalities that she crafted for them. Her closet is filled with games and distractions that once thrilled her. Oftentimes she is not in the house and the echoes of her past are so loud that they drown out my peace. In those moments I miss her so much and wish that we had more time to be like we were.