Monday, June 15, 2015

Wait ... for now

There is a quote that I have stumbled upon a couple of times that begins,

"Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion."

For many of us who live dismissing the good in the everyday while holding out for the great and the unique, the good china will remain in the cupboard never to contact a single morsel of food. For me, the examples of this from my own life are a bottle of wine and a jacket.

The bottle of wine sat in our kitchen. I remember the words being uttered, something to the effect of "... when we have something to celebrate ...". Yet I had just gotten a new job, we had just purchased our first house, and we had recently welcomed our child. I could only think that it can't get any better than this, while the other thought in the room was that it has to get better than this.

I didn't have much money but a certain jacket was all the rage and I desperately wanted one. After saving my money over months and months I finally was able to make my purchase. I remember modeling it in front of the mirror, the feeling of its fabric across my shoulders, and its lingering, crisp scent. I can still recall that heady feeling of sated satisfaction and contentment. I immediately labeled this jacket for special use only. Yet that jacket remained in my closet, never worn while I waited for my moment.

I think the problem with waiting for that special occasion is that sometimes we just never allow ourselves to feel any satisfaction with what we have or what we achieve. That occasion that we are holding out for eventually becomes so idealized in our mind as to become unattainable and impossible to achieve. All the while that bottle of wine sits untouched, that jacket remains in the closet unworn. Every time we then glimpse the bottle or walk past that closet, feelings of unhappiness and failure register and build. Our negative thoughts become inured and take root until they grow into something utterly destructive, a weight that pins us down and saps our spirit.