Monday, August 6, 2012
Recently, I found myself in a season marked by stormy seas. I just could not find even a short period of calm when my mind could settle. The few things that I cherish most in my life seemed to be slipping away from me. It was absolutely demoralizing and stole every shred of my will to go on. I had more than lingering thoughts of just chucking everything. I got to the point where I just cursed God and His silly games and infuriating subtlety. I can deal with yes to my prayers. I can handle no. But prolonged silence always takes me down the road toward doubt. Just beyond doubt is agnosticism. From there it is just a few steps toward walking away from my faith entirely. I hate writing these statements because they reveal me for the coward and self-centered being that I truly am.
I don't know where this voyage is heading, but today the seas are a bit calmer than they were yesterday. Some conversations were had that were necessary and healing. A few locked doors, perhaps, were re-opened. I thank God for his unending patience with me as I try to find my way and I thank God for His infinite embrace.
Posted by Daniel