Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Itsy Bitsy Spider

"See, no monster in here ...
well now there is."

The above line was uttered by the monster named Sully in the Pixar movie Monsters Inc.. It was in a scene where the human girl nicknamed Boo had come into the monster world and was being hidden by Sully and Mike in their apartment. She was a bit uneasy about scary monsters coming out of the closet while she was sleeping. To convince Boo that there was nothing in the closet, Sully walked inside.

This quote entered my world the other night as I sat in my living room and saw a colossal-sized spider sidling across the carpet. When I spotted it I immediately began to panic (but in a manly way). He was ambling near a floor vent and I for sure did not want him to go in there. The duct system is like an open gateway to my entire house. If he entered the vent in the living room, he could come out in my bedroom and eat me as I slept, or he could come out in my bathroom and poop on my toothbrush. I needed to stop this menacing-looking spider at all costs.

My first attempt at action was telekinesis. That had no affect. I then grabbed my shoe and cautiously approached my enemy. When I properly girded my loins, I crept up to the spider and blindly swung my shoe down toward it letting out something like a banshee cry. I do not know if I made contact with the spider or not, but it arced high up into the air and landed (of course) right onto the vent and was gone. All I could think was, "There's no spider in your vent ... well now there is." Of course, as I did not have a confirmed kill, I have been forced to put my house up for sale.