Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Elevator Music

I kinda hope we get stuck
nobody gets out alive ...

O.K., so this post is for all the troublemakers out there. Those who enjoy making the lives of others around them (well, from time to time) miserable, so that they can have a bit of a chuckle at the expense of others. As for my behavior, well that is entirely excusable. I was young. I was impressionable. I was in college.

It started with me on the basement level of the school's main library. I walked up to the elevator and pushed the call button. After waiting for a moment or two, the doors slid open and I witnessed four very animated Chinese visitors. When they decided not to get out of the car, I shrugged and stepped in. I saw no other buttons illuminated, so I figured that I would take my elevator joy-riding friends with me up to the top floor. However, the elevator never completed its journey.

Somewhere along the path, the elevator car shuttered to a halt. My fellow passengers immediately became very quiet and then clumped together nervously in the corner. It was then that I sensed my opportunity for mischief. I started to breath very deeply, in ... out ... in ... out. I labored at it like I was having trouble getting enough oxygen in our confined space, like our air supply was starting to run out. My visitors gaped at each other with concern. Then they started to show all of the tell-tale signs of claustrophobia, pushing on the walls of the car, excessive swallowing, dry mouth.

Then when I had built up enough drama, I forced open the doors of the elevator car and saw that it had passed our floor by about a foot or so. I then stepped down out of the car and turned back to assist them. They were pressed hard up against the back wall of the car, refusing to step out. As I walked away to go about my business, I heard some soft whimpering that muted as the elevator door slowly closed and headed back to the basement level.