Oh crap! I think that I've made a terrible mistake here. I don't know what I am going to do. Perhaps I can get out of this jam if I just keep the lights in my house off and ignore the doorbell. Maybe I can arrange for a transfer to Borneo. Oh, I know! I can enter into the witness relocation program and get me one of them new identities. I'm somewhat partial to the moniker, Flavio Gustaffo. I bet he, unlike myself, would be someone bold enough to go out in public wearing a handsome felt fedora. He also would probably have a neaty trimmed mustache and goatee. ... What am I talking about? Perhaps I should take a step or two back and fill you in (seeing that you asked so politely).
I have been part of a small group at my church (affectionately called WEC). We meet once a week at our host's home. At these meetings we develop "structured relationships" and talk about God and God's part in our lives. We get to know one another and try to support one another. In my most recent group, we were together for more than a year before the group endured beyond its "freshness" date and dissolved. So, I was forced to go back and register to be part of another group. That's when the trouble started. As I was quite sleepy during the application process, I absent-mindedly checked an innocent-looking box that asked "Would you be willing to host the group?". Apparently someone in the church office took this stray pencil mark on the form seriously and the next thing I know, I had been signed up to host my next group! That's why I must find a way to escape. Soon I will mysteriously vanish and my troubles will all be over.
Some may ask me, "Hey Gustaffo, nice fedora, but what's the big deal? Why all the drama and gnashing of teeth?" Well, I am not all that comfortable around people, especially a group of a dozen folks that I have never met before. Not only that, but they will all be in my very own home. Yikes!, Zounds!, and Egad! For those that know me, you can probably guess that this is a pretty big deal. Please pray for Flavio.