Thursday, November 13, 2008

Potty Regulations

This just came across my desk at work. This is what happens when you hire too many administrators!

To: All Personnel, Subj. Restroom Privileges

In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. As a result of increased budgetary controls, a Restroom Trip Policy (RTP) has been established. When it becomes effective on Jan. 1, 2009, the RTP will provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time. Under this policy, a "RESTROOM TRIP BANK" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip Credits may be accumulated from month to month up to a total of 40. On Jan. 15, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked with voice print recognition devices. Before the end of February, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Records Section of Personnel. The voice print recognition will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of February, so employees may acquaint themselves with the stations during that period. If an employee's RESTROOM TRIP BANK balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first day of the next month. All restroom systems on site will be computer connected. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Ten seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of tissue in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied for more than an additional 5 seconds, your picture will be taken. Please direct all inquiries and comments to your Department Director.