I have heard it said time and again that people absolutely hate being around others who are constantly thinking negative thoughts and giving off negative vibes. Negative people so quickly sap your strength and joy, they destroy your positive mood with their pessimism, anxiety, and judgmental attitude. In short, negative people are killjoys. While I hate to admit it, the fact is that far too often the dark cloud that floats above my head labels me as one of the killjoys. I think the reason for this is that I don't believe the truths that I experience first hand. I have become a modern-day Philistine.
In the Old Testament of the Bible the tribes of the Israelites were associated with the "believers" and the people known as the Philistines (or uncircumsized) were associated with the "non-believers". Over many years the Israelites and the Philistines clashed through skirmishes, battles, and wars. The Philistines stood as witnesses to the powerful hand of God but never turned from their worship of the idols of Baal, Astarte, and Dagon. Their hearts had become hardened against the truths that they encountered every day. I have come to behave in the same way.
- An acquaintance tells me that he likes spending time with me.
- A person tells me that I have a lot to offer.
- I read that I am a child of the most high God.
- The Bible clearly states that Jesus knows me and loves me without question.
I experience truths such as these every day, but I purposefully dismiss them because I have let myself believe that I do not deserve love and friendship because I have messed up and fallen short so many times that I am worthless. Just like the Philistines who did not see the truth even when it was laid out in all its splendor right before their eyes, I too find a way to overlook or recast the truth through my own twisted and myopic lens of brokenness, hurt, pride, and self-doubt.
