Monday, September 19, 2011

Subtle - 2

subtle [suht-l] - fine or delicate in meaning or intent; difficult to perceive or understand; requiring mental acuteness, penetration, or discernment.

This "subtle" blog series (see Subtle -1) is not about relationships between people. It is about our relationship with the most high God. I would maintain that my earlier statement about communication in relationships is a universal truth, namely that without good communication, any relationship is either doomed to failure or to be far less than it ultimately could be. I believe that this truth also applies with equal validity to our relationship with God. And here is my main point and my main issue. Too often I find the Lord's ways are far too subtle. He whispers to me in life's wind tunnel when I need Him to roar. He hints and nudges when I need him to erect monuments and to shove me full force. Too often I yearn for Him to show up and help me understand what I need to know in times of failure or sadness or regret or loneliness, and I just get static in that learning moment or that needing moment. If I went through that long, painful season, waded through all of that muck, shouldn't I have learned something out of all of it? Was there a point to all of that? Should I have done something or done something differently? Are you there or just prattle for the weak-minded and superstitious? Speak up if you expect me to hear you. Speak clearly if you want me to discern your will.

As I wrestle with thoughts like these, all of the junk twisting and turning in my head overwhelms me. A murmur quickly builds into a crescendo. Questions of how I live my life, who I think I am, and eternity billow up into the air like confetti shot from a cannon. Suddenly I cannot defend my faith or my direction. I wonder why God won't just speak to me in a way that I will understand. It doesn't have to be sky-writing or a lightning strike or a voice from heaven. But it has to be something that I am sure not to miss or misunderstand, ..., doesn't it? Or what's the point?

(Part 2 of 2)