Saturday, December 19, 2009

Grind My Gears 11

The great greek philosopher Rattocles once mused "Round and round, what comes around goes around, I'll tell you why ...". He never got around to finishing his ideation, probably because at that very moment he unintentionally consumed a hemlock burrito meant for another. However, I can state with assurance that what Rattocles was about to say was that whoever invented the traffic circle should be made to eat undercooked chicken. These "quaint" constructs still pop up from time to time in new construction and I can tell you it really grinds my gears. First off, nobody knows the rules of entering and exiting into these ridiculous mazes. Couple this with the selfish, me-first attitudes of most drivers, and chaos is assured. I read recently of a timid old lady driver who got trapped inside a traffic circle for 11 straight days before she could escape. She survived on an oatmeal frappe and the graham cracker crumbs that had gotten caught in the folds of her garish muumuu. Unmistakeably a tragic and cautionary tale, and you can bet it was due to some insipid civil engineer who has a sick fascination with the notion of a Möbius strip.

In a closely related bit of civil engineering madness are the bush and shrubbery plantings at the corners of intersections. You would have a clearer vision of oncoming traffic if you simply closed your eyes, belted out an old Manilow tune, and depressed the accelerator with giddy glee. But this bit of floral insanity is to be belched upon another day. Another day.