Monday, December 21, 2009

Give and Receive

From time to time, a simple act can fill me with warmth and an inkling into how relationships are supposed to be. I recognize that having friends to do life with indeed makes the whole experience so much more enjoyable and painless and fulfilling. However, I have never really had that many friends in my life. Furthermore, I have always found it difficult to make new friends. It takes so much strength for me to reach out and open up, strength that far too often fails me or escapes me. The past several years have been particularly jarring emotionally due to some circumstances in my life, and it hasn't helped that I have lost the people in my life that meant the most to me. Moving away, new jobs, life changes. It felt like I had invested all of my money in a company that suddenly went bankrupt. Sometimes this makes me feel like I don't want to try investing my "money" again. I pull away and give less and rely more on self.

Recently I posted a blog about a book I had just finished reading. My friend Rob posted a comment that he had planned to read this book as well. My first thought was to contact him to let him know that he could borrow my copy. I thought for a moment and my mind started to race with thoughts of "I'm not comfortable contacting him.", "I would make him uncomfortable with such an offer.", "All of this would just take too much effort.". I walked away from my computer anxious and frustrated. I sat still for a while and collected myself. I focussed on the notion that one must give to receive. I then sent Rob an email with the offer.

Just a bit later, Rob replied enthusiastically. He then offered to give me a book that he had an extra copy of. It just so happened that the book that he offered to me was one that I was just about to go and purchase for myself. This was all so simple and beautiful that I felt like a fool. Why do I make things so hard for myself? Thanks Rob for teaching me a lesson that I need to live.