Friday, November 13, 2009

Mighty Warrior

Clinically speaking, I can say that I am one part anti-social, one part self-conscious, and one part agoraphobic. When you take each of these ingredients, which individually can render a person noticeably odd, and stir them all into a single pot, it's amazing that I can even leave my house at all. Most folks who know me in my work role, would not believe that I am thusly afflicted. In fact, I have noted this strange juxtaposition as well between who I am professionally and who I am in any other situation. If you have seen actors who come across in interviews as shy and quiet and curious, and then see them light up a movie screen with bold and brash and brilliant performances, then you can begin to see that my behavioral traits are not unique to me. My condition is more than a little bit frustrating. I was even recently asked by a man I like and respect why I didn't like him. I tried to explain myself, but I don't think that he even had an inkling of understanding until he got to know me a little bit better. It takes me so long to be able to adjust to people and fight through my issues, that I appreciate my friends more, I think, than most people. It also makes goodbyes for me a tortuous ordeal.

Given this background, I wanted to share (and claim) a recent victory. Pastor Mark Batterson would say that I killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day and Pastor Erwin McManus would say that I seized a divine moment. What I did might be viewed as minor to some, but it represented an important step toward "normalcy" for me. Earlier this week I hosted my church community group in my home. I was a bit edgy leading up to the meeting, but I felt totally "at home" during our group's time together. Small steps, small steps. Rock on mighty warrior.