Wednesday, October 22, 2014

The Way I Need

You frequently hear folks asked the question of how they want to be remembered by their loved ones after they die. After some reflection you will hears answers like:
  • a good provider
  • someone who liked to have fun
  • someone with a good heart
  • a kind person
All of these are reasonable answers. In fact, there is certainly no one right answer. For me I think that I have figured out how I would like to be remembered by my daughter when I am gone,

He loved me the way that I needed him to love me.

Actually, I have gotten the sense that as my daughter has gotten older and more independent, I am more a source of frustration to her than a motivational influence. I too often treat her as a kid or try to help her too much or try to take over instead of letting her figure things out. It turns out that I am very much a work in progress. As time marches on I often fret that my daughter still doesn't know that much about my heart and how hard I have tried to give her what I was able to give. Too often it seems that while I wallow in sentimentality, she is just enjoying each day and each new experience. I go below the surface to try to map the depths while she skims happily along the surface. Yet just when I think that I have missed the mark by half a world, she lets me know that she knows me and accepts me and loves me in a way that I finally understand. Then I realize that all along she has loved me the way that I need to be loved.