Monday, August 18, 2014


They advertised Dana Delany but Estelle Getty kept showing up. Confused, frustrated, and angry, I let the continued failures in my attempts at dating get to me. I allowed every let down to chip away at my self-worth and at my small reserve of hope until I gave in. Sometimes drugs, sometimes booze, sometimes cigarettes ... this time, quarts of ice cream. Oh but it tasted good, it soothed, it took the edge off the pain, off the being alone, off the fact that I am getting older and older. The echoes of my loneliness bouncing around the walls of my house, knowing that they would be the only things to greet me when I got home each night. Dinner for one? What else would there be ... could there be?

After a month I found that my companion and steadfast friend had gone, leaving me five pounds heavier, all collected in an unsightly bulge on my tummy. One more thing to look at in the mirror and hate about myself. Yet nobody begrudges the injured man a crutch in his time of need. So I prayed for forgiveness for my doubts, for my blame casting, for my voice raised heavenward in unquenched, blasphemous rage. My trangressions were wiped away and forgotten, my forgiveness received. Though spotless, I still had to face the consequences of what I had sown. Why should I be surprised when there is a price to pay? In fact, I pay it gladly, thrilled to be enwrapped in His arms once more.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9