Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Black Label

When I have to rely on others, I have a very nasty habit of making strong declarative statements when things don't go the way I expect that they should. I throw around black labels like idiot, incompetent, and moron. What is worse, I fire out these terms even when I don't fully know why things have not gone as I had expected. Some self-righteous trigger threshold is reached and I spew these ignorant and hateful epithets to whoever is around. Oftentimes the first several salvos have been unleashed before I even realize what has happened. Of course at that point I cannot take them back or recall them and pretend that nothing happened.

I seems that most times, folks just let this kind of thing go, either because they agree with my assessment or they believe me to be a hothead or they are just allowing me to vent my anger and frustration. Not that this makes my actions right, it's just that most of the time the munitions flame out in the air and never reach a target. However, the other day, my words found their mark and I really upset someone who was just trying to do their job. I really felt sick about what I had done and no apology can unring the bell that I sounded. Hopefully this freshly (re-)learned lesson will stay with me awhile.