Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Forest Fires

The album Rumours by Fleetwood Mac is one of the biggest selling of all time. The remarkable thing about this sublime collection of 11 songs is that it was all written under the most unpleasant, messy, and insufferable human turmoil that you could ever want to imagine. Break-ups, drug abuse, sabotage, drama, everyone sleeping with a different person every night. How in the world anyone could work to create a masterpiece under such a fog is beyond me. When I am suffering, my mind normally goes into shutdown mode. I fold inward upon myself and am incapable of any creativity or meaningful interaction.

I would not label myself as a joyous individual. In truth, I struggle most days to keep my mind clear of anxiety, regret, hateful thoughts, and depression. I have periods now and then when I can keep my demons at bay, but they are never further away than arm's length. However, over the past few months, I have found myself in a state of hopelessness that has gone beyond what I normally face, both in terms of its depth and its duration. I have been experiencing a weariness of body, mind, and soul that I fear is too much to overcome. I am not even certain that I can pinpoint the root cause of my malaise. Likely several small sparks have ignited this seemingly consuming blaze. I can only hope that all this will bring some ultimate benefit, like a forest fire that clears away the old unhealthy overgrowth and debris, allowing for soil that is cleared and revitalized for new growth.

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow ...