Red Car Stranger

There it was, phew, I thought I had lost him. That red car, the man in the cowboy hat. It had been so long now, maybe more than 200 miles together. I did not want to lose sight of him after all we had been through together. Of course I didn't know this person, never even spoken to him. So how come I feel this connection with the stranger in the red car? O.K., so we have been on the same stretch of highway within a few hundred feet of each other for a couple of hours. Why do I sense this association? Why do I keep checking my mirrors or changing lanes when he does?

I used to drive back and forth between Ohio and Virginia about once a month. I did this for about 7 or 8 years. The trip was a killer. About 450 miles. About 7.5 hours. I used to tell folks that the trip was about half an hour longer than my patience. Every now and then I would notice a fellow traveler who stayed in contact with me for more than a couple of hours. Maybe because the trip was so long and I was looking for anything to break it up, to distract my mind from the tedium, that I would form this unspoken bond with the other driver. I would not be surprised to learn that the other driver did not even know of my presence. Funny, there was always this momentary sense of loss when the relationship came to an end. One of us reached our destination or was forced to make a pit stop. However, I think it is natural for us to want to forge bonds with others as we move along the long roads of life. Just like with the stranger in the red car, it helps to make the journey a little easier.

The Mighty Pen

The other day I noticed a ballpoint pen laying in the gutter. It had been run over by a car and one end of the plastic housing was shattered. The cap was nowhere to be seen. This once mighty pen had been reduced to a piece of forgotten, worthless, and unappreciated trash. You could probably purchase a bag
with a dozen of these pens for a couple of dollars at Walmart. However, this pen gave me pause to think about our attitudes and how we approach our modern times. I think people, for the most part, take the technology in the world around them for granted. They just expect it to be there, but they give no thanks in return. They feel that they are entitled to it just because of the age in which we all live. There is no appreciation, no awe, no wonder.

Just 50 years ago, the ballpoint pen was not in our vocabulary. 100 years ago it was only considered as some futuristic dream. However, this humble, broken, and forgotten ballpoint pen had gone through a very long journey to get to where it ended up. A journey that tells so much about man. The long and involved manufacturing process shows just what a clever and industrious and smart species we are. It's absolutely amazing to think of just how much work went into this making this object.

1). Making the ink in a modern industrial plant.
2). Forming the metal parts with casts and dies in a mass-production assembly line.
3). Extracting the raw materials from the Earth to form and process the tungsten-carbide balls.
4). Molding the plastic parts via extrusion and injection-molding techniques in a modern manufacturing facility.
5). Assembly of the components and filling of the ink.
6). Adding decorative labels and designs via computer-controlled machines.
7). Packing and shipping of the pens to the retail outlets.

These pens were formed from parts made in a number of super high-tech factories after extracting the oil-based products from deep in the Earth to make the plastic components and after extracting the metals from underground mines and forming the precise alloys. The number of people who operate the oil rigs, the refineries, the mines, the factories, and the retail stores is too many to count. All to make the humble, broken, and forgotten ballpoint pen.

The fact that we can hold this seemingly simple object in our hands and not appreciate all of this history says much about who we are. Much about the times that we live in. Much about us as people. All at once it reveals the greatness of humans and their faults. Indeed, the pen is mightier than the sword.

Here Comes Da Judge

I work in a position where part of my job is to judge the performance and abilities of those that I work with, from students to postdoctoral researchers to technicians. I am responsible for filling out their performance evaluations at the end of each year or to write assessment letters (so-called letters of recommendation) for them. This position as judge is an important responsibility that I take very seriously. I actually enjoy preparing these letters for individuals that I know are hard working, efficient, dedicated, and bright. I understand this helps them get considered for jobs to which they apply or to help them get the promotions that they are after. In fact, these letters are quite easy to prepare. What is more difficult is having to write a letter or prepare an evaluation for someone who is not particularly bright or clever at their work. I fall into a dangerous trap in dealing with this type of person. When I feel that someone is not above threshold (i.e. rated good or excellent at their work), I tend to lose respect for them as a person. Based on the fact that they are not particularly good at their job, I write them off entirely as worthless. Try as I might to get past this, to work on this area of myself, I have not seemed to make any progress. What's a judge to do?

I Disagree

As a card-carrying member of the academic sector, my mind and thought patterns have been honed to follow a certain logical, truth-seeking methodology. I try to approach discussion and debate armed more with facts than emotion. However, this is certainly not how the world at large operates, where I have seen vast communities focus instead on crazy half-truths, arbitrary cultural rituals, and random acts of ignorance and stupidity than on the common good. I can rattle off a number of obvious examples, such as the Jews and Palestinians, the Democrats and Republicans, the North and South Koreans. It's like at the end of our president's state-of-the-union address, they always have these high-falutin' politicians from each party give their take on what we just heard. The first will say that the speech was an unqualified success, that the president could not have been more right, that he is, in fact, a god. The second will say, in terms just as strong and passionate, that the speech was a total flop that showed just how wrong and misguided this president is, and that it goes to show that he is, in fact, the devil incarnate. One side says it's black and the other side says it's white. Clearly there is no way both sides can be correct. The arguments are not logical, not sensible. Still these points of view continue on and nobody steps outside of the scene and evaluates what the truth actually is. The point is that people see what they want to see, they see things from their own highly biased point of view.

The story is not any different between individuals involved in a dispute. There is very little common ground and typically none is sought after. One person claims the other is selfish and hurtful and wrong. The other person claims exactly the same thing. Both cannot be right, but both can be, and most likely are, wrong. In a dispute where passions run very high and inner peace is hard to find, we must step back, step outside of the situation and seek the truth. While I certainly do not have all the answers, and at times, I have none, I can offer one piece of useful advice. It is better to end the "discussion" before your uncontrolled emotions take over and hurtful and hateful words are uttered. They only serve to inflame an already difficult situation and never help bring peaceful resolution. Find some space to gather your thoughts, to check your emotions, and to consider both sides of the argument before re-engaging.

What's in a Name?

It's getting out of hand, people stopping me on the street, in the supermarket, at the mall, basically everywhere. They all have one question on the tip of their tongue. "Dan, where did you come up with name Return to Zero for your award-winning blog?" Man, if I had a nickel for every time that I fielded that question I'd have exactly zero cents. O.K., so nobody has actually asked me this question, but I can sense that you all want, nay pine, to know. The title came to me when I was moving back to Virginia a few years ago to restart my life. I kind of felt that everything that I had accumulated in my life to that point had been completely taken away from me, and I had to go all the way back to the beginning, hence "Return to Zero". The entire chalkboard of my life had been completely erased. My blog name also is based on a band headed by ex-Boston members Brad Delp and Barry Goudreau. A fitting name they chose after such promise was shown and such high expectations were built after Boston's first two albums, after which that band kind of fell apart. Return to Zero is not necessarily a name chosen based on positive feelings and hope for the future. It is really a name of lament and despair in some sense. All that I have known and counted on and believed in is gone, and here I am with nothing, starting all over again, at a time in my life when things should be much further along. Return to Zero certainly marked a turning point in my life, but, of course, which way I go, where I end up, and whether I find some inner peace again is still a complete unknown.

10 Hate Love

10 Things I Hate

1. Being wrapped up in a blanket like a jelly roll and unable to move.
   
2. Personal conflicts.
   
3. When my body doesn't do what I want it to do or what I think it should be able to do.
   
4. When I miss opportunities.
   
5. Working hard on a project only to find that I made a mistake somewhere and having to start again.
   
6. Rejection.
   
7. Having some important news but nobody to share it with.
   
8. Being late to an appointment or meeting.
   
9. Being stuck in traffic with no possibility of escape.
   
10. Goodbyes.
    

10 Things I Love

1. Hugs and kisses from my daughter.
   
2. A day at work where I feel at the end that I have earned my kibble.
   
3. Feeling wholly appreciated.
   
4. A really good meal.
   
5. Being in charge of a successful and visible project.
   
6. Laughing until my sides hurt.
   
7. An evening spent together with friends.
   
8. The look on my daughter's face when she spots me from across the room.
   
9. Having someone to talk to when I am in need.
   
10. Being in love and having the feelings returned in full.
    

Barbie the Chip

Here's a simple question. If a Uranite (a native of the planet Uranus) were to come to Earth and try to communicate with us, we probably would not be surprised to find that we had no bloody idea what he (or she or it) was trying to say. Why? The reason why is obvious, because they were communicating in a different language (unless it was an episode of Star Trek where everyone in the universe conveniently speaks english). However, even if two creatures (let's call them "people") try to converse, they may speak the same language, but still may be miles apart from understanding each other. Words and sounds and gestures can all be absolutely alien if our brains are not deciphering their full meaning. This can lead to very serious (and sometimes fatal) misunderstandings between individuals and even groups of people. I was reminded of this fact the other day in a conversation that my daughter and I were having as we drove along in the car. She was talking and I was talking, she was explaining and I was explaining, she was laughing and I sat confused as nothing should have been that funny. It was then that I realized that we were engaged in two very different conversations. I thought she was talking about "Barbie Q-tips". Barbie, the ubiquitous female ideal that adorns lots of kid-related products and fills half the toy departments of the world. Q-tips, the name-brand cotton swabs we all have in our bathrooms. It turned out that she was talking about "barbeque chips". Once I figured this out and explained to her what was going on, we both had a great laugh, with ensuing side pains and eye tearage. However, the lesson is clear and the warning is relevant and important. Simple misunderstandings and communication breakdowns lead to us leaving discussions without really understanding what the other person is saying or their reasoning. This can build up walls and distance. From time to time we need to stop and actually listen to be sure that we stand on common ground.