Monday, March 11, 2013

Old Man Winter

It seems that the moment that you open your mouth and enter the realm of braggadocio, you might as well just paint a big ole target on your chest and wait for your come-uppance. For example, you might utter one of the following phrases to your close chums:
  • I have never been in a car accident involving a 1952 Ford Fairlane.
  • I have never eaten a bowl of Alpha-bits brand cereal that did not include at least three of the letter Q.
  • I have not wet my bed since I was 15 years old.
  • I have not been forced to wear a gaudy holiday sweater in all my years.
  • I have never contracted scurvy.
You must understand that the moment that you make such a public claim, you will be 'hit' with one of the following: a car seen in the program Leave it to Beaver, a Q-less bowl of pure sugary goodness, moist breeches and/or knickerbockers, poor taste, or an unexplained craving for citrus fruit or pirates.

However, even with all of this stated, I am going to go out on a limb and make a bold declaration. This is the first winter season of my entire life where I have not had to pull my winter jacket out of its closeted stronghold. Sure I may be inviting a cold spell the likes of which my area has never seen. I may have just written the death certificates of any number of poor unsuspecting individuals. I may have written my ticket to an appearance with Anderson Cooper whose motto is, "I am so a real reporter!" Take that old man winter.