I have been struggling a lot lately. My world seems to be falling apart around me and I'm not equipped with the fortitude or stamina to hold it together. A few leaks in the levee I can handle. One or two things I can effectively compartmentalize, surround, and overcome. However, when multiple breaches develop, the flood waters quickly suffocate me and suck away my life. The burden feels too great and I quickly fall into depression and darkness overwhelms my spirit and my outlook.
At the same time, I also realize that the burdens that I face are nothing more than trifles compared to what others must deal with. The fact that I am blessed with so much, yet cannot deal with the admittedly minor issues and hassles in my life, frustrates me all the more. In fact, I would state that one of my greatest shortcomings is that I do not handle conflict with confidence or grace. A skilled matador flashes his cape at the onrushing bull and in a flash it has passed him by. The moment is over and done with. Yet with me, that tense moment of increased anxiety and heightened emotion clings to me long after the tercio de muerte.