Hard to Say

When their love was new and they had been courting for a while, the "I love yous" were a regular part of their language of connecting and departing. They were spontaneous and heartfelt. Those utterances were sloppy and mushy and pure as a freshly fallen snow. Neither could believe that a relationship could be so good, could fulfill such a deep need, could cover over so many old wounds and hurts. Now years later, marriage, kids, life's pressures and burdens, familiarity, personal conflicts, financial pressures, and everything else that has come along, have led to little more than marking time along the way. Those sweet, sweet words have long since evaporated.

When their child was just a toddler, he started to get a sense of what his parent's "I love yous" meant and he happily and eagerly parroted their words back to them. It was part of the bonding that nature and its innate instincts bring out. Both the words spoken by parent and child are also snow white. Usually the sharing of these feelings is accompanied by hugs and kisses. Yet what seems to happen so often is that as the child grows and seeks their claim of independence, the "I love yous" dissipate and escape in complete correlation with the disappearance of those hugs and kisses. Ultimately the words are shared no more.

Why does time seem to steal away our "I love yous"?

REGRET

Let's begin at the beginning to give us a firm foundation for discussion. regret is defined as a sense of guilt or sorrow, as over some wrong done or an unfulfilled ambition. If you ask anyone to cite an example, they will not have to think very long or very hard to throw a handful at you. Personally, Regret tends to haunt me. It eats away at my sanity. It causes me to look backward in remorse, in shame, in what-could-have-beens and what-should-have-beens. If only I had eyes to see. If only I had listened. If only I had done this or that. I struggle because I saw my life going in a certain direction and put everything into making that vision crystallize. After a long and arduous path that burned up the small store of fuel available for the journey, when things fell apart or did not go as planned, I am left to deal with the failure and loss. As winter quickly approaches, I also sense that I am running out of time. I sense that weight of REgret.

When one is young and living in the springtime, REGret can be used to face necessary lessons that help on the long path ahead. Although they can be tough, they serve to ensure that some episodes are not repeated or are handled with more skillful aplomb. Better said, sometimes REGRet helps us to cultivate wisdom. However, sometimes I become myopic and lose sight of the blessings that I do have in my life, the mountains that I have successfully scaled, and it seems like I am sitting at the craps table and my bucket is nearly empty. What can I do in times like this? REGREt is especially difficult in such times because it seems to define me and my life. The clock ticks loudly in my ear and there is nothing that I can do to turn back those hands. That tick-tock, tick-tock builds into a crescendo. One look in the mirror and my reflection is gone. All I see staring back at me is REGRET.

Jesus

Reading a biography of past heroes can be an experience that brings melancholy to a soul. No matter how great these men or women were, no matter what they accomplished or how they lived, all of their tales end the same way. Death, inevitable death. The story of Jesus is different. We know the biblical account that Jesus was handed over to be crucified by his own people. He then died a horrible, painful, humiliating death after only three years of public ministry and was buried. But of course, his story was not over, his biography was not complete. As was written in Old Testament prophecy, Jesus triumphed over death and rose from the grave three days later. After a period of ministry to reconnect all of his disciples who were disillusioned and confused and lost after watching their master taken away and killed, Jesus left this Earth and ascended into Heaven. He promised that he would return. He also promised that "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live even if he dies, and the one who lives and believes in me will never die." John 11:25,26

The story of Jesus' life on this Earth is the subject of the ninth and final book in Charles Swindoll's Great Lives Series, Jesus, The Greatest Life of All. This work takes us through the Old Testament prophesies of the coming Son of Man, through his conception, his birth, his life, his public ministry, his death, his resurrection, to his ascension to heaven. Swindoll presents this chronology using scripture from Psalms and Isaiah in the Old Testament, along with the eye-witness accounts in the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The story, although familiar to most, still is powerful and telling. It is a reflection of the past and a reflection of ourselves. If you call yourself a Christian, this biography is important to appreciate and understand. If you are not a Christian, this book can relate to you a life-changing account of the greatest life of all.

Stirrups and Nakedness

Every year for the last 15 years I have put myself through a ritual that can bring on panic and anxiety and depression. I wish that I could avoid it altogether, but it really isn't optional. In fact, it's a matter of life and death. I find it amazing how we grow up and develop this feeling of invincibility with regard to our bodies, yet that feeling is so fragile. One bad doctor's report and our entire attitude can be altered for the rest of our lives. Each ache or pain, every upset stomach or case of heartburn, can set one's mind to racing, to running up the panic meter. It's like once our shield of strength has been penetrated and we are exposed, we can never relax. The feeling reminds me of my first car. After taking it on many journeys spanning thousands and thousands of miles, I came to rely on this dependable friend. One day the engine blew, and even though it was repaired, I never felt comfortable in that car again. Every knock, every ping, every unusual sound, made me fear that I was about to be stranded by the side of the road.

Of course, my loyal readers probably have already figured out what my subject matter is about today. I have alluded to it several times over the past few years. It is about cancer and how I live with it even when the doctor's reports indicate that I am clear for another season. Just when you start to relax a little bit, that doctor's appointment stirs the pot. It is time for my yearly ritual, a rite that follows a well-worn path. I lay naked from the waist down on an examination table with my legs up in stirrups while a team of folks works on me handling and touching parts of me that I would rather keep hidden. I wait while they poke and prod with their invasive instruments.

If they find nothing, then I am paroled for another year. If they find any evidence of recurrence, then I am in surgery within 48 hours and must hang in for a few more days after that for the biopsy results to come back. Actually it turns out that during this latter window of time is when I feel even more exposed than when I am on that exam table. That report will dictate how my treatment will proceed. One thing that I have learned is that laying naked in stirrups in front of a medical team is actually a good vantage point. It is there that you really come to understand what or who gives you strength. Stirrups and nakedness. A most appropriate time to remember Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

This year marks the second in a row that I have been found clear. But I honestly feel that I can now deal with the news either way. As you can imagine, it has not always been that way.

Mindset 14

In the Mindset series I reminisce about some of my favorite memories of my daughter's life when she was younger. I hope that the task of writing these entries will serve me well, and I hope too that you will enjoy going on this trip with me.

Today's journey takes us back to all of our time together reading Highlights magazine. My daughter has had a subscription to this monthly magazine for kids for as long as I can remember. One of the cool things for me is that Highlights magazine was something that I enjoyed looking at when I was a kid. All of the features that I enjoyed are still there today, Hidden Pictures, Jokes & Riddles, The Timbertoes, What's Wrong, Brain Play, and the short stories. My daughter has very much enjoyed having something delivered in the mail with her name on it. With each new issue, we would sit down together and pore through it from cover to cover. In these times together we have shared countless laughs, learned a thing or two, and been inspired by lots of stories and ideas that sparked our imaginations. I guess that it has just been a part of growing up for my little one. With our most recent renewal for another year of Highlights, we agreed it would be our last. My daughter has now outgrown this magazine, but I know she still enjoys our time together with each new issue. Today as she has developed a love of reading and pours through one book after another, I would bet that Highlights magazine has certainly played an important role in helping her to develop a love for reading.

World Without Heroes

It seems to me that in times past, it was so much easier to have a hero. In those times, likely heroes included professional athletes, movie stars, racer car drivers, astronauts, military leaders, musicians, artists, and world leaders. Today the world around us makes it harder and harder to claim anyone as a hero. How can anyone be set apart when any veil of illusion is immediately swept away and trampled asunder by every peering eye, every hidden camera, ever pundit's voice on late-night talk shows? Nobody is ever given a moment's peace. Everyone is constantly under the microscope. Illicit affairs, drug use, financial troubles, gambling problems, undocumented staff workers, private tirades, driving under the influence, politically incorrect language, hardball contract negotiations, policy compromise. Nowadays it does not even matter if any of the allegations made are true or are only the truth from a particular point of view. It seems there is an element of our society whose job it is to ensure nobody is set apart as special or exemplary or worthy of praise. It seems like there is a secret gestapo that seeks to destroy the character or the legacy of anyone that might be admired by the younger generation. One blemish. One spot. One mark. That is all it takes to tear everyone and anyone down, to create a world without heroes.

Forgotten Lives

I just finished reading the eighth volume in Charles Swindoll's Great Lives series entitled Fascinating Stories of Forgotten Lives. The first seven volumes in this series all focused on the stories of specific individuals. In contradistinction, this volume turns its attention to a series of "forgotten" individuals, one chapter at a time. One might reason that folks whose lives are forgotten, might not have anything to teach us, but indeed they have been included in the Bible for good reason.

Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it's written for us. (Romans 15:4)

In other words, even folks who did not command front page headlines still have worthwhile and important lessons for our lives today. The list of folks included in this volume include:

• Cain - first child of Adam and Eve.
  
• Abraham - covenant father of the nation of Israel.
  
• Esau - Son of Isaac, grandson of Abraham.
  
• Achan - Israelite soldier during Jericho campaign.
  
• Samuel - prophet of God, anointed David as king of Israel.
  
• Saul - first king of Israel.
  
• Abigail - Wife of Nabal, became wife of David.
  
• Absalom - Son of King David, briefly reigned as King of Israel.
  
• Rehoboam - Son of King Solomon, first king of Judah.
  
• Jabez - Israelite whose name means "he makes sorrowful".
  
• Naaman - Syrian general.
  
• Gehazi - Servant of Elisha.
  
• Uzziah - King of Judah.

It is amazing the timeless nature of the truths that the Bible can teach us. Truths about jealousy, vanity, servitude, honor, greed, humbleness, and courage. I loved the variety in this volume and how Swindoll approached each person. Definitely a worthwhile study and my personal favorite in the series. Now, onto the last volume in the series, Jesus, The Greatest Life of All.